Husband has run up debts since separating

[dangermouseisace]

Sorry the bankruptcy question has worried me. My ex was financially abusive, and since separating has run up a lot of debt on credit cards/unsecured loans. There is no reason for him to do so- he is a high earner with few outgoings other than all the things he’s sacrificing from his salary (private healthcare etc) and has been on quite a few fancy holidays, has meals out every week etc.

We’ve exchanged form E’s (he took years to produce his, and its a pile of bullshit with little paperwork) and this has come to light. I am concerned that it will be seen that his debts should be paid from the assets of our house sale. There aren’t enough assets to house either of us- I’m in rented he lives in his girlfriends house, that she owns. However, the assets would help provide the kids and I with a reasonable home, with a mortgage. He has disposed of other assets that he had on separation, which comes to tens of thousands, and aren’t mentioned in his form E. I think he has run up debts deliberately as part of his scheme to get as much out of the marriage as possible despite running up huge debts etc before and whilst married (that I helped him clear). I don’t have any debts despite being unable to work at the moment as I’m very careful with spending. We’ve never had joint debts bar the mortgage.

I’ve got a solicitor but every time I contact her I’ve got to pay £££ due to husband taking longer to produce form E than my fixed fee plan allowed, and I already have a £700 bill this month. It’s another plan of his to try and run me into the ground.

Any advice would be great as I’m sat here worrying. I’m sure someone will pop along to tell me I’m a grabby cow though...

Hi op my x did this too - a deliberate move and he got away with it - sounds like your x is using the system to his advantage and sounds like your solicitor is taking full advantage of an acrimonious divorce.

I too lost the family home as x claimed there was a shortage of money and his business was going down the pan - I did everything I could to get my sols to believe what x was capable of but I believe their agenda was get the house sold as they then have the proceeds to use for fees.

I am interested in why you are not working - I was SAHM for 20 years and have long term depression- my settlement based on being able to get a full time job earning in excess of £20 k. How old are your kids.

I am aware of someone else who with me believe solicitors are inappropriately ordering the sale of family homes. I am pursuing a complaint against mine, I am in correspondence with legal ombudsman and am considering negligence route. I was abused by my x when went for divorce and abused by my solicitors who took advantage of my vulnerability and lack of knowledge in system.

Probably not what you want to hear but your gut instinct is telling you something here - did your solicitor come recommended.

Hi greenberet thanks for your reply. I'm sorry you've had a shit time as well, and that your solicitor just added to it. I'm dismayed that your husband managed to get away with claiming he had no money. I'm concerned mine will too (despite being in the top 10% of earners...)

I don't have any concerns with my solicitor...they try and keep everything as cheap as possible given the circumstances, e.g. keep contact to a minimum. They are recommended. The solicitor didn't order sale of the house- husband wangled it before we split up. We moved into rented to 'try and find where we wanted to buy', then he left once the house was sold. My solicitor has experience in dealing with my kind of husband- there has been things he's threatened that she's just said don't worry about that, we don't have to take any action, it's just that he's trying to psychologically unsettle you, and that has turned out to be true.

I'm not working due to MH problems and my kids are between 8 and 11. The MH problems were managable until a few years ago, I used to work but the whole situation with my husband triggered a breakdown, then I've had another 2 since. I can't go into it without outing myself but he manipulated our situation to make it highly probable that I would become ill. Did you mean to say your settlement was based on you being able to work, despite the fact that you were unwell/hadn't worked for years? If so, that is shocking.

I hope that you manage to get some resolution through the ombudsman.

Op I'm really pleased you have a good solicitor - your x sounds extremely manipulative. I fully get what you are saying about making you ill - I believe my x has been out to emotionally and financially destroy me even though it was him that had affair and left.

Yes my settlement was based on me being able to work - I left my last employment under difficult circumstances and was diagnosed with PTSD - never needed to contemplate working during marriage and was able to manage my MH - have to sleep most days for 1 - 2 hours.

X totally downplayed my MH throughout divorce - I was under adult MH team twice during process - first when he left and then when my solicitor dumped me - I even had to take my MH support worker to court to get my hearing adjourned as the judge did not believe me.

Even with all the medical evidence I supplied and that I qualified for PIP due to MH she still based my settlement on full time employment.

How are your kids op - my x has continually abused them through his treatment of me although he cannot see this - I just need to hang on for another year until they are 18 but I am not sure if it is going to be financially possible - I have had nearly 5 years of hell and I'm not yet out the other side yet - these men are c&&ts!

Pm me if you want

My god I thought judges were meant to be fair! It’s shit enough having MH problems without official type people being shitheads. I think these blokes have a gift for getting people to believe them unfortunately.

Your ex sounds just like mine- the situation with an affair/trying to destroy the wife now they are no longer useful. What a twat. Do men discuss amongst themselves how to be as abhorrent as possible?

My kids are ok. I don’t let on what their father is like, or let them know he was quite happy for them to be homeless. They aren’t stupid though, and worked some things about him out by themselves. I hope yours are ok too

Op, I think his behaviour with debts may not go against him as ex spent 50k during separation, also high earner, yet it was not considered.

It seems there was a defining case where the H had spent money on drugs and prostitutes and it was "allowed" so barristers no longer fight it.

There has been a large shift in favour of 50:50 asset split and mums returning to work to be self suporting, even if they would struggle to find childcare and income.You will hear some men complain at how poorly they have been treated in divorce but they may have been historical cases or are men who never treated their wives as equal anyway.Men are much better financially after marriage than women due to the caring responsibilities.

Hopefully you will get a fair and experienced judge, if it goes to court, but expect to be shocked if ex's behaviour is tolerated and it feels tilted in his favour.From friends experience the newer judges appear more focussed on getting parity for parents irrespective of needs.Previously it was about "needs" as that was the basis of the divorce law.

Greenberet, did you go to FH? In my case Fmh is to be sold as well but its just a requirement to balance the assets as I could not afford to buy ex out.I would say most solicitors are surprised at recent outcomes as the shift has been dramatic so not sure if your outcome is down to your solicitor as they can't forsee what a judge will do.

Ugh. That’s shit lifebegins
I hope the fact he’s got lots of things I don’t- private healthcare, dental, new car , lots of foreign holidays, meals out, a long term partner who owns her own house etc, the fact he forced me to give up my job and the fact he’s disposed of around £35, 000 in assets since separation goes against him. And that he ran up tens of thousands of personal debt before and during the marriage too, that I and my parents helped him pay off. If not, I should give up now!

lifebegins yes mine went to FH - I get a lot of what you are saying but if solicitors are not up to date with judges views then that is an error in itself as solicitors are the ones advising us what to do.

In fact I wanted to settle probably a year prior to FH and I was advised by my sol and barrister that I would not be able to survive on what x was offering - I needed joint lives spousal - well what a bloody joke because what I got was about £100k down.

Interesting what you say about judges too - mine was fairly new 8 months I think - initially I thought it was good that she wanted to "own" our case for continuity - but bloody hell - she as a female let me down badly - as a judge - bloody despicable - more interested in her career than fairness danger - you know she got her figures wrong in FH - basic maths - I emailed her - she ignored it - she refused my request for appeal as a barrister I used for 2nd part of FH - life we had to have a 2nd part just for pensions - said my FH was unfair as I ended up having to self rep due to being let down by another barrister - long story mine - all documented on MN.

I have lost faith in legal system - judges fair? Maybe if you are lucky - mine ignored basic fundamentals - i.e. Would you employ me in my situation - my barrister actually asked her this? Said if I was to go back to work needed evidence that I was employable - never even pursued this as again told I was jt lives spousal.

Life just a thought have you got pensions that could offset house - i had company and pensions that could have been used - company was a big issue - initial barrister ignored/ forgot about pension.

Also on debts - if they are on credit cards or loans they may well come out of the assets - mine did over £100k worth. Funny how x said he could not afford anything yet he currently has a mortgage with OW and is renting a property here for when he sees kids at £1600 pm and they both work for the company that was in decline!!!!

Danger - my x had all that too - mostly through the company - he never wanted me to work whilst married but said I could work on checkouts -
None of it was taken into account in my case - I had given the kids some money from my breast cancer payout - I think £9k between them - this came into it though - again part of my settlement and I bought a hot tub a this did too!

Danger I really hope your sol and barrister is switched on and not leading you down the garden path.

Yeah mine too happy for kids to be homeless right in middle of GCSEs also happy for DS to be suicidal rather than pay school fees you know because he can't afford them - bollocks!!

Twat is too gentle a word for these men - my preference Is CUNT - sorry that's how angry I still am - and this offends someone I know who's not averse to swearing so must be the right word as even they cannot bring themselves to use this word 😂

You need a financial disassociation letter. There are templates on line. It's free. My sister did this.

Just wanted to add on "needs" - this is all bollocks too - needs as in yes x "needs" a 3 bed house to have contact with kids and we can be equally housed out of equity - but what about the company that is expected to support him at £95k going forward and I can get a job at £20k - but don't worry because if you can't - you can take your share of the pension at age 55 - yes you'll have a couple of years when benefits and child maintenance (ha another joke) all stop but that's ok cos kids support themselves at 18 - don't need feeding or housing they are off on their own flying the nest!!!

Sorry danger plan for the worst and you won't be blindsided! I'm still picking up the pieces - trying to maintain kids as they were and you know what came to me the other night - I'm bloody doing everything WE did - still in family home - still paying for Ds school fees ( but not Dd) - which x claimed was inaffordable on £150k - still doing all the general house stuff - carrying the emotional responsibility as well for two teenage kids going through the most? Significant phase - and this is despite being floored most days with depression and now awaiting investigation for back pain - and been under dermatology for ulcer like sores on my body which are returning - and I'm supposed to be job hunting and clearing the house of 20 years worth of stuff to move - yep I'm much better since this divorce shite over - lady judge you haven't got a fucking clue -yes I'm intelligent - her basis for being able to return to work - what's her credentials then because despite the qualifications I assume she's fucking thick as shit when it comes to the real world - and you know I observed when I was at FH - the biggest load of old bull I have ever heard -

I have no qualification but I'm starting to think I must be bloody superwoman! Because when I come out the other side of all this and my kids believe in themselves like I never did I will be bloody flying because I will know I DID this despite everything - and there is no price tag to this - ever!

Click hip -what's this letter - never heard of it

Just googled - my x ran up debts but kept them 'legal' by just paying minimum payment - he had too works in financial services!!

Greenberet, to be fair to solicitors the change seems pretty recent but becoming more standardised, judges with longer tenure appear to focus on "needs" but more recent judges focus on equality.Until they apply to court and get a hearing they really don't know what a settlement could be as Judge dependant.I think most will now be advising on a 50:50 asset split and assume SM of 2 to 3 years irrespective of ex's earmings.
Joint lives was more common in your situation but would in 2018 be very rare, if not impossible.The UK was seen as having generous divorce laws for women which is now being changed.I think a case against your legal team will be difficult to win given the ultimate decision to settle is always with the applicant.Glad your life is good, keep all your focus on the positive aspects and don't look back.Bitterness or anger will only hurt you in the end.

I suspect you were in the transition period.I was forewarned because a friend with very young dc was only awarded a small SM payment for a year...despite high earning ex.

Op, Ex is very high earner, all the benefits as well.He earned 20x what I did but made not much of a difference as boilerplate settlement was rolled out.
Quotes often used by judge is "matrimonal law says no undue hardship but doesn't mean no hardship".
Prepare for the worst case scenario and know you will get through and rebuild.

Life my FH was march 2017 - divorce proceedings ongoing for a couple of years prior to this - initial barrister I had was along these lines but my solicitors suggested I changed as felt I had a v strong case. I have it in writing not to settle as would not be able to manage financially - its just not this I am angry about lots of other issues with them - I have a cut off point but until then I will take this as far as I can.

If solicitors are there to advise us because they know the game better than we do what is the point if we do not listen to their advice - as with many things there is always some other influencing factor in advice - but often we don't learn this until the advice turns out not to be in our best interests after all.

And just for example if this was financial services you would not get away with giving advice on old views - why should the legal profession be any different - there was never a case of you may not get this but we'll try I was told I would get it! Big difference

Green beret I don’t call my ex a cunt as he lacks the warmth and the depth I thought the point of solicitors was to advise you on likely outcomes- didn’t work with yours.

I don’t want any maintenance off ex bar for the kids. I hate him, and want as little to do with him as possible. I’d happily get by on very little rather than be dependent on him! There isn’t enough equity to house even one of us (except in a studio flat) but I would rather it went towards a home for the kids. He says he needs half of it, despite living with girlfriend in a bigger house than my slightly too small rented property, a house she owns. Housing is my main priority, and if his debts eat into the funds a mortgage will become out of reach.