Don’t know what to do the best

[Abetterme7]

I feel lost and not sure where else to turn to for help, words of advice etc. My husband and I have been married for nearly 10 years, together for 16. We have two beautiful kids , 8 and 6 years old. Our marriage has had some ups and downs, in my mind mostly downs. We have debts, which I feel he is largely responsible for but I know very well I have responsibilities there two. Anyway, not looking to put a blame anywhere. I think I have gradually fallen out of love with him since we have had children. He is a great dad, kids love him to bits. But basically things have got progressively worse over the last few years and now I just don’t want him physically at all. I am not attracted to him any more, I disagree with with he wants to do for a living and financially I feel like he is taking the mickey a bit. I think we have hit the end of the road. I like him, will always a special place in my heart for him, he is my kids’ father but I don’t think I can continue. He says if there is no sex, there is nothing and perhaps he is right. But the kids, I can’t bear the idea of not seeing them everyday and putting them through a divorce where no doubt my husband will be vocal in the fact it was my decision to leave. We rent and have 9 months left in this house, I don’t know what to do for the best. Is it weird to consider opening the marriage? I What he kids to continue seeing both parents and even being able to chose who they are with but I am so scared of the effect the split may have on them. I don’t want them to hate me either. Has anyone ever consider staying for the kids or an open marriage? I want to do what is best for them but does that mean we should both be miserable for it?
If you are willing to share past experience, please do, I’m lost and don’t know what to do for the best. In counselling at the mo and while it’s helping me it is also pushing me to realise in my mind separation seems to be the key.

Practically exactly the same as you, however I disengaged from the marriage emotionally about three years ago. My kids are the same age. I chucked him out mid last year - haven't looked back, currently divorcing. Kids haven't batted an eyelid - he was never "present" emotionally for any of us (bar maybe the youngest) and now it's just FAR easier as I have no expectations of him whatsoever, so he cannot continue to disappoint me.

Don't live as you are because you'll become a shell of your former self. You and the children deserve more. They need to learn how to formulate functional relationships, and they're young. That's how I look at it anyway.

I stayed too long. He took mick work and money wise. Getting him to leave has been only way of him sorting himself out. No sex for years - I lost interest in him - looking back it's been years of resentment and feeling like he was another child / dependent not a partner. I didn't fancy him. Felt he never pulled his weight. Over time he got more resentful too. Maybe depressed but basically turned into a total misery who was always in a bad mood and taking it out on rest of us. Probably subconsciously making me have to end it. There was nothing left but contempt on either side. Kids have been fine. We should have gone our separate ways years earlier. I stayed for kids (have additional needs) so lot extra work. It's been physically demanding being a single parent but mentally a huge relief. I'm in a better place. I think when it's gone it's gone. Our kids are going to live to over 100. How realistic is it to have one partner for that long. My kids would have grown up seeing me walking on eggshells putting up with crappy behaviour. That wasn't good to see. I'm not blameless but we weren't compatible anymore. I ended it when I felt my mental health was on edge. Kids are happy if parents are happy. We mainly keep things amicable and that's what matters for the kids after the initial shock.