am i being unreasonable?

[monstersmammy1]

hi, i separated from my partner and father to my 2 kids in October, not because i did not love him but because i couldn't let him mentally abuse us any more, my son bumped his head on Monday and i had to take him to the hospital on Wednesday, when i tried getting in touch with my ex he hung up on me, told me he was busy , and told me he was in the middle of something, when i finally got through to him when at the hospital he told me he had a new partner and she had moved in with him, because her husband had broken her shoulder when he found out about them.
he normally has the kids on a Saturday night, however i said to him i was not happy and did not want our kids to stay over, until i had done a Sarah's law disclosure , then i want the kids to be introduced to her gradually, i don't know this woman, i am going on the information he has given me, but he is accusing me of being unfair, unreasonable and of using the kids as a weapon. i have not, i have bent over backwards to be amicable with him with regards to our kids, i have even helped him with the coffee shop, had him over for Christmas and evening meals, he refused to have any contact with the kids a week ago because he was annoyed with our son, did not contact them for over a week. i feel devastated that he could not tell us when his relationship started, so that we could get used to the idea, but I'm supposed to just send my kids to him and her to play happy families, our son is SEN and never met her, i have met her once as she is his employee when i helped him because he was short staffed and our daughter has met her twice at the shop. am i wrong , am i being unreasonable, i just feel like I'm trying to protect our children???? help please i feel like I'm going mad

[Mummyofone123]

Me personally, I don’t think you are being unreasonable in that you don’t know this woman and it sounds very soon for your children to be introduced to dads new partner if they have just moved in together. Are your children aware of his new relationship?

Would he not be agreeable to seeing the children somewhere neutral and waiting a while before introducing them?

[Aprilmightbemynewname]

As awful as it is its none of your business who /when he introduces anyone to the dc. A judge would tell you the same.
*not that I agree but speaking from experience op.

[Aprilmightbemynewname]

And also from experience it will pain him more if you quickly accept her.
My ex used to get 'the rage' that his gf updated me on my ds's when he cba!!

[Tiddleypops]

Agree with the way you feel about this OP.
Not only is it too soon for your children to be thrust into this situation, but your exH and this new woman are throwing themselves into a situation that sounds a bit like it could all go horribly wrong very soon.

Unfortunately, as the others have said, I don't think there is much you can do about it. You could try suggesting somewhere neutral and a slow introduction - if he's a good father he should understand this. I suspect he won't listen though and if not, you probably just need to be there for the children, make sure they know they can talk to you if they need to (but if not, then also fine) etc.

On the VERY positive side, they don't have to live with the mental abuse from their father every day anymore, you have done a fantastic thing for them, by providing them with a safe and loving home where they will know they can express themselves and be themselves. You can't do anything about him and the decisions he makes, but you are free from having these decisions affect your life at home with the DCs.