First time posting from a long timer reader. Seeking advice from outside my very protective circle.
Short version;
Husband has cheated. With his boss. He has a daughter who we have about half the time. We have a house together and let some of our spare rooms to lodgers who we love having around. Who stays in the house now it's over.
Long version;
We met 6 years ago. He moved into my house. House was bought as a project by me, done up by my dad but husband and I decided to live there instead promising my dad to pay him when we sold - this was agreed. Dated for 18 months when I found out he was sighed up to dating and hook up sites. Originally I left, because of his daughter. Friends told me he should leave, so he did and rented a place round the corner.
6 months pass and we become close again, getting back together. He moves back in with me. He is talking one day about people he used to work with and I ask him whether anything has happened with a certain women. He said it had, he was having a sexual affair when we spilt up. My world fell apart. I felt like I'd been tricked into being with him again but I loved him so much.
Some time passes and we work on things. Things do get better but there are always little niggles, always around work colleagues. He confesses to kissing a secretary when we very first met and sexting another woman when we were getting back together. We move on. Sell my house and buy a house together - out forever home. The money we owe my dad still to be paid in (now) 2 years when we remortgage. Get engaged and married two years ago. Trying for a baby. He leaves a job in London and on his last day comes home blindly drunk and deletes all text history with his female boss. She continues to text him suspicious messages. He says it's nothing.
Stats a new job locally and moans about his female boss saying how uninspiring she is. I meet her at an event last year, they are huddled in the corner together while I look after my step-daughter. I didn't see her as a threat, overweight, middle aged with kids. In the last three months his work has become unstable with many changes going on in the business. He is high up and the potential to take more responsibility from his boss is bandied. In the meantime, a close family friend dies on my side. We had an almighty row and he decides not only not to come, but that he needs some space and checks into a hotel (not telling me where it is). This breaks me. He says he needs space.l to sort his head and I say we need to work though things.
He comes home, we talk, I ask us to see a councillor which he agrees to. We saw her for the first time last week and we agree it went well. Things start getting better, I feel like we are really working, the sex comes back, we are close and tuned in.
He works on his laptop every night, always has. His phone is in his pocket permanently. Two nights ago we were both working at home in the evening and I noice he opened a different page whenever he thought I couldn't see (it was reflected in the glass window behind him) couldn't see what it was. He picked a row that night over something stupid. Something made me check his phone when he went to the loo. Tonnes of messages between him and his boss. I take it and lock myself in the bathroom to read them. They've been having and affair for the last two months, secret work 'meetings'. Kisses in the office. 'Client' events. Dinners. Coffee at hotels. His messages to her a full on - what he wants to do to her. Hers are less confident. She's married with small children. She's been on holiday and apparently things with her husband are improving. They refer to us as he- and she-. They have a proper 'date' planned this afternoon.
I send the messages to myself so I can stay angry. I've let him back in before. I give him his phone back and ask if he's even sorry to which he shouts 'of course I'm sorry!' I ask for his wedding ring which he easy gives me. He refuses to leave the house that night. The next morning I leave him a note telling him to leave until Friday when I will move out. He has my step daughter this weekend (I already know he won't let me see her. I love her infinitely and he uses time - or not - with her as reward/punishment)
Fast forward to now. I'm lying in bed thinking, I don't want to move out. This is my house too and I want to stay. He fucked this up and he can go. On the other side, it's my step-daughters home and I would be taking that away from her if he moves out. IF he even would. Can I make him?
I'm totally torn, swinging between both. We can both afford to rent elsewhere. We couldn't buy each other out the house.
Sorry it's long. I'm so over tired, over cried, over emotional. My whole life was planned and mapped two days ago, generally things going well. Now it's turned on it's head and I am so, so lost.
Thank you for reading x