Legal arrangement while separated?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Background - I ended out relationship. H had been controlling, Moody (for about 2 years constantly, not exaggerating) at times abusive. He moved out eventually. I remain in the martial home with 2 young dc.

He stats with parents. Has (bloody finally!!) Decided to rent somewhere. He wants to go to mediation and make a legal agreement between us so "nothing can go wrong and it can't be changed"
I'm not so keen tbh I feel like he's trying to get one over on me. I'm quite happy to sit down and discuss finances to ensure we can both afford to live.

Am I missing something or being stupid about this? I know he's got some inheritance due and while personally I don't care about it we do have two dc and we do jointly own the house.

I feel the time and place for legal financial agreements is to settle the divorce.

From memory I think you need to try mediation as it looks better in court to say you have tried to reach an agreement but failed rather than not tried at all.

If you feel intimidated by him you can ask for seperate rooms and the mediator will go from room to room passing on messages from each side. They are supposed to be impartial but I felt they tried to lead me into making decisions about contact not finances. I felt she sided with my ex. Just my experience and how I felt.

I'm not discounting mediation prior to divorce. More than happy to go through it but he wants to do it to put a legal agreement in place now. I am not starting divorce proceedings yet. He knows this. But wants to go to mediation to draw up a legal go annual agreement to be signed off by his solicitor.

Sorry I meant to say thanks for your response

Sounds like he's continuing to try and be controlling. In my experience you can go through the process of having a formal legal separation and the legal costs that go with that, and then have to repeat the process when you move onto divorce, paying twice for the same thing. If you do intend to divorce now through it's wise to begin discussions to get agreement on the financial split as soon as amicably possible as it can take time and worth having an agreement up front so the divorce process can go smoothly with an agreed consent order.

You need to go to mediation because if you go to court they will make you go.

Definitely dont agree to his plan. Sounds very suspicious. And toughen up. You might not be interested in his inheritence but if you have a windfall i guarantee he'll be after it.

Thanks all. To clarify, I know that mediation is required before divorce if you need help coming to an agreement. We are nowhere near that stage yet. In all honestly I need a break from his bullshit but he won't leave me alone.

I've spoken to the mediation service. I have told them what he's like. They said "if" the mediator picks up on that, then mediation won't be an option. Of course he won't pick up on it. H doesn't go around being an arsehole to everyone he meets. Just close family members . So he'll put on the charm and I'll look like the one with the problem.

In that case ask for seperate rooms so he can’t wind you up

My question really is why do I need to agree to this now? Do I have to? Do I have to go along with the pre divorce legal agreement? (Which is the reason he says he wants to do mediation)

There is absolutely nothing wrong or suspicious about getting a separation agreement in place. The idea is you get the agreement on the bad is you will replicate it in a court order when you get round to divorce.

If you can't agree then that's that, no one can force anything until the divorce.

Talk to a solicitor for proper advice.

Sorry, "on the basis" not "on the bad is". This tablet is bloody illiterate. I wish it wouldn't try to improve my writing!