So my husband and I have been married for 6 years and been together for almost over 10 years. We have been together since high school off and on. We have had many ups and downs over the years and neither of us have been perfect spouses. However the main issue in our relationship is his unreliability emotionally. For a few years now we have been dealing with his still present feelings for one of the women he cheated on me with. When I first found out about them he tried to leave me for her but couldn't bc she got pregnant with another guy's baby. So we worked on our marriage had more issues but made it through. Fast forward to last year, I had had enough and told him that I wanted to end it. We went through a separation period but decided once again that we would work it out. I let him know that if divorce was discussed again I would not change my mind, that I would go through with the separation and divorce process. Well in march of this year he decided that our marriage isn't working that we should end it. He then informed me that he saw the girl he has tried to leave me for in the past and realized how much he loved her. I was heart broken and distraught but I realized that this was for the best. I wasn't happy and he has refused to take the steps he needed to fix himself in order to make a relationship better so I had to do was right for me. So I grieved and chose to get ready to move on. Well apparently she didn't return his feelings and he suddenly started trying to back track. He went from wanting the divorce and separation to now he doesn't want one. He keeps saying that he was being destructive and that was why he said what he said. It seems like as soon as I get to a place where I have made peace and am ready to move on, he changes his mind! The messed up thing is that he feels that I should be willing to work things out with him. He seems to think that him reaching this epiphany absolves him from the consequences of his earlier actions. I'm just so tired of the rollercoaster and the constant in and out. I have put up with it for half my life and take him back every time. I feel slightly selfish for deciding that this time is the straw that broke the camel's back. I just know that I will not be able to move past what he said. He doesn't understand why im still hung up on it because " I should know that he didn't mean it" but i don't because i can't believe anything he says. So now I'm dealing with the constant pleading and over affection when honestly all I want is space and time to myself to focus on my kids and getting myself together. We have the same conversation over and over again. I feel like a broken record. When I tell him that I'm done it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. He has tried almost everything to get me to crack . One day (another one of our many constant back and forth moments) he got angry because I still had not chosen to try again and said the meanest things he could think of and then at the end of his tirade he changed and said he didnt mean any of it. I knew right then I was right in my decision. I guess I just need advice of how to deal with this and not lose my mind lol. I'm trying really hard to be sensitive to his feelings but he is pushing me to the point where I explode and tell him how I truly feel without regards to his feelings. Have any of you had to deal with this and how did you handle it?