Any solicitors out there - divorce on grounds of adultery

[StarlightSparkle]

I’ve previously been told you must file within 6 months of discovering the adultery but I read something the other day that suggested that it might be different if you initially ask them to leave.

I threw my H out but he moved back in 2 months later so does the 6 months start from when he moved back in or d-day?

It’s coming up to 6 months since d-day for me for me now and I still haven’t decided what to do, but if I do file I’d rather do it on grounds of adultery than irreconcilable differences. However this rule means by the time I decide I might have no choice.

The choice is adultery or unreasonable behaviour (not irreconciliable differences).
Unless he agrees that adultery has taken place it is very difficult to prove (impossible nearly), and if your aim is to name a co-respondent that would probably slow things down.
I think you are right that the 6 months condoning rule applies to time spent living together having learned of the adultery. However, this is more than usually technical (now you also have to prove what happened with living arrangements subsequently - what evidence?)
Why the keenness to use the adultery grounds? It doesn't affect arrangements for children or finance; it may mean the direct cost of the divorce falls on him, but that's about £500.

My solicitor told me to put adultery as part of the unreasonable behaviour (there was a lot of unreasonable behaviour)

Just on principle really as that would be the reason for me divorcing him. If he hadn’t committed adultery I wouldn’t be considering it.

Also I’m worried I don’t have enough reasons for unreasonable behaviour! The adultery, yes, but don’t I need a few? He has been the perfect husband since I found out and all the shitty stuff he used to do has stopped. I don’t think you can cite things that aren’t recent.

there are all sorts of things you can put as unreasonable behaviour that aren't actually that bad. Petty things...like he snores etc. You don't have to cite things in the last 6 months for unreasonable behaviour, I had lots that were waaayyy further back than that. The other option is that you can just separate and wait for 2 years, then you don't need to put reasons, as long as you both agree.

If they can be quite petty then I can probably think of loads

The examples I’ve read online sound more serious, such as verbal/ physical abuse, withholding affection, refusing to work on the marriage or financial irresponsibility and none of those would apply, hence my slight concern!

If he doesn’t contest the divorce then you don’t have to make it a big thing. If he would contest then you’d have to make it more obvious that there is no way you could live with him.

I was so pissed off with my dickhead of an ex I went for the full on option. If you get on well, I wouldn’t recommend it, if you don’t it’s very therapeutic 😂

He has intimated that he would contest a divorce petition on the grounds that it’s not in any of our best interests! He was joking though, I think?!

If we do go down that road I am hoping to keeps things amicable for the sake of our two young children.

It would be an expensive joke...there was that woman whose husband contested the divorce and it wasn’t granted a couple of years back...

Hoping they would grant it considering he fucked another woman and has admitted it, which definitely isn’t in the spirit of staying married!

It actually really pisses me off how antiquated the divorce legislation is. So if my husband cuts his toenails in the bedroom or spends more time than I would like on his hobbies, I can divorce him whenever, but if he has sex with another woman, surely the worst thing someone can do in a marriage (abuse aside) there’s only a 6 month window?!

It takes a few months to get over the shock of finding out so that doesn’t leave long to make a decision that will change your and your children’s lives forever. If other reasons don’t have to have a time limit then I don’t see why this should!

I think you can still put the adultery down after the 6 months, as part of a pattern of unreasonable behaviour, as long as you've got other unreasonable behaviour to rely on that has occurred in the past 6 months.