My ex husband broke up with me but contacts me trying to argue with me and comes to visit our son in my house instead of his sister's where he stays?

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My ex walked out on me and our son 5 weeks ago. After 5 years together and married 10 months! He seemed depressed and generally unhappy and moody all the time. He works all the time. Never has time for us. I work part time and spend the rest of the time looking after our son. He says his reason is coz he can't stand me and just wants out.
He says I sponge off him which is totally untrue I've always paid my way and helped as much as I can. He now vents anger and what seems like pure hatred to me every chance he gets. I have numerous abusive messages all of which I've ignored.

He "babysits" our son on Fridays at my house while I go to my friends for a catch up but I always end up with messages asking me to get home so he can leave etc. Basically doesn't want me to have a social life. I don't instigate arguments with him. His sister he lives with is now even trying to add me via Instagram using fake accounts to "spy" on me. He says he doesn't care about me or what I do but still manages to interfere with my life. Always causing unnecessary arguments over nothing at all. If he didn't care and wanted out why is he still venting his anger to me. Shouldn't he be getting on with his own life?

A few months ago he asked to have another baby with me, I said let's work on being happy first then he says let's move house fresh start but coz it didn't happen straight away he went mad. Then the morning he leaves me he kissed me as I dropped him at work then came home and left for good. Came back 2 days later to collect all his stuff and seemed shocked I wasn't there to watch him go with it. He complains that he is stuck paying all bills... He pays mortgage I pay utility bills, car, nursery, shopping, clothes and days out for our son. But he seems to think I don't pay any of that and I've taken everything from him that he's worked for and that I've sponged. He left here I didn't kick him out so why is he playing victim.
He doesn't ask how our son is at all when he isn't seeing him weds-fri for the 1 hour per night. Tonight he came round and tries acting all nice and says can I have the baby stay Sunday night. I said no you've got no where for him to stay and he goes well I can't afford a bed for him no need to be nasty??? Me nasty he's put me thru hell and I've not said boo during all of this. Now his silly new found lifestyle is getting boring he wants to fill up some spare time by having his son for 1 night?? Any advice would be great. I actually still have feelings for him and wish he would wake up from this 'midlife crisis' and prove himself and we can sort things out but maybe I'm being silly.

Oh god. He sounds like my friend's x. HE left her but because he has such a high opinion of himself and a low self-esteem, he constantly contacts her, drama baiting her, accusing her of everything you could think of. she is locked in to defending herself to him and has been for a DECADE. It is torture to watch.

So I would advise that any spurious hurtful thing he accuses you of, shrug, agree.

I'd cut down on using him as a babysitter as well. Maybe make it every second friday . Try and use somebody else.

No matter what he accuses you of, shrug.

ps, being an arsehole to you is a coping mechanism which he still needs. Cut contact much more for the time being. 5 weeks is NOTHING by the way! It can take years to 'train' a crazy x h to calm the fuck down.

Thanks for your advice... I'm just at a loss. I don't know how someone can switch his mood so suddenly it doesn't seem normal. He's so erratic with his behaviour. Hes been so nasty to me called me everything under the sun says he doesn't fancy me anymore called me a prostitute which is disgusting. I've been so good to him. It's like finances got on top of him and he just wanted to escape but obviously they've followed him. How can someone go from loving you to hating you so much almost overnight? He's been so hot cold towards me. Like asking for baby then telling me hates me then loves me then can't stand me. Says the problem was me. He just can't stand me and that's why he left. I did everything for him. I feel like he's jealous I work part time and spend time with our son. Although he's never actually engaged in family time with us. He excluded himself all the time. Even went so far to call himself just a man that comes to play with our son sometimes... Now he's acting all sheepish with me after being so abusive over the weekend. I don't get it

Because he never loved YOU, the YOU that is inside your body. He loved that you flattered his ego and made him feel good about himself.

Now he's got bored of that and he will USE you in a different way. He will have to see you DISTRESSED to feel good about himself.

This is text book ''discard and devalue'' narcissist behavior. Don't spend too much time analysing HIM and what makes HIM tick.

Thanks for your advice. I told him to buy a cot for baby to stay in other night and he said can't afford it at the min. Except he's wanting to file divorce as soon as 3rd June comes around. That's going to cost money. Why not buy his son a bed to stay with him first instead of focusing on other things. It's like he's thought well I don't want to buy a cot coz this isn't permanent or something. He messaged me asking if our son needed anything and I ignored it coz I don't want to ask for anything from him after what he's called me and since then he hasn't mentioned it again. So was that a ploy to try work back in being nice and coy with me. Tonight he was stand offish and I was upstairs with baby showing him his new potty and he shouted something but I didn't hear so said what and then he just slammed the door in a huff throwing a tantrum. He waited outside for a bit expecting me to come out or to call or text asking what he was saying but I didn't. Then he drove off. I'm just confused with his signals I don't understand what he's doing.

Stop telling him what to do. He will then be able to derive satisfaction from upsetting you by not doing it. From now on even though you might be hoping he does x rather than y, do not appeal to his reason.

Tell yourself that no matter what he does you will not react. Do not show him that he has upset you. His ego his only inflated by the temporary feeling of power he gets from knowing that he upset you. It mskes him feel BIG.