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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

ex is unreasonable and i i dont know what to do.

5 replies

jessib15 · 01/05/2018 08:54

my ex and i have been separated for 3 years now and he is making my life hell, he will not be reasonable about anything, our son is now 5 and he is with me full time his dad only has him 3 weekends a month, we have a prearranged schedule that was set out in Jan for the rest of the year that we both agreed to, now he is refusing to stick to this schedule because he has a girlfriend he wants to see, i have planned my whole year out around these dates and can not change these as it effects a house move and my sons schooling as well as many other things ie doctors appointments as im expecting my second child with my new partner. but my ex is saying he will just refuse to collect my son on the prearranged date and juts take him from school on the days he wants him, the school have said they can not stop a parent from taking their child so i feel like i can not stop him. it is really stressing me out, and i am already apprehensive about him having him as iv recently found out that he is letting my 5yr old go out to play by himself unsupervised , this is definitely something i am not ok with, but as i am not there i cant stop him. and as there is no law about how old a child can be to go out alone my ex is just ignoring my concerns. he is holding me hostage to a marriage i no longer want by refusing to sign the divorce paperwork, and using it as a threat ie " if u want this divorce you will give me what i want". i am usually a very reasonable person but i am not prepared to run my life around this selfish man. it is causing me a huge amount of stress and at 34 weeks pregnant that's honestly the last thing i need. what can i do to prevent him basically doing whatever the hell he wants this is not fair or reasonable.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 01/05/2018 10:10

Push on with the divorce and tell him you'll only communicate by solicitor for financial matters.

You can't force him to have his son so you'll need to have a plan b in place for if he doesn't show up. People like that are best kept away from kids anyway so the less he sees his son the better really.

If he's supposed to pick his son up from school and doesn't then that's a matter for social services. Let the school deal with it if he doesn't show up

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 01/05/2018 10:16

Do you not have a court judgement in place? I think it may be worth going to see a family law solicitor. That way he cannot just collect your DS when he feels like it.

I would try & seek advice before the new baby arrives. The standard is every other weekend and half the holidays.

The letting your DS roam free is unacceptable and should be raised with the courts. He should also be paying you maintenance

jessib15 · 01/05/2018 10:51

i have not got any court judgements in place as i was trying to keep things as friendly (and cheap) as possible but i feel like i am being left with no other choice, i do not want my son to not see his dad as he loves him dearly but at the same time i feel if i let him take him with how irresponsible he is being reff letting he roam outside unsupervised i am being a bad mother as this is, in my opinion, neglect. is there anywear i can go for cheap/ free legal advise on what i can do as with baby two on the way money will be tight.

OP posts:
mammynowanauntyIRL · 01/05/2018 16:57

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow could you do that to your 5 year old, leave them waiting at the school for Daddy to show up knowing that he wasn't going to and having the poor child worrying or thinking no one cared about him. I, for one, definitely couldn't do that.

I'm in ROI but there's help here from free legal advice centre and I'm sure there is similar where you are. There are also some free appointments from solicitors too I believe.

The prearranged schedule was that arranged between you both or courts? If court, take him back there for not complying. Does your new dp help care for your son? Is he there as a back up if father doesn't show up to collect? Or a parent or close relative.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 01/05/2018 19:34

I'm not in England, but could you start off with mediation then get it rubber stamped by a judge. Where I am you do not need a lawyer to go to court, just fill out the forms.& make sure you can back up everything with paperwork.

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