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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

not feeling believed - escaping from abusive relationship

3 replies

papaver · 30/04/2018 08:58

Just wanting a bit of a handhold really and wondering if anyone had similar issues. Basically dh has mh issues which have been there throughout relationship but only just come to attention of mh services. I have been struggling with unpleasant / abusive behavior for years and some of my close friends have been aware this but now because nothing was documented in the past feel like I am not being believed. The health services in general have been useless at support. It has been all about him and although he is now not in the family home this is due to the intervention of child services and only after a lot of pushing on my part. I have been left feeling like my life just doesn’t matter to them except as a career and even when I rang asking for support when he had become physical I was asked to what degree and encouraged to stay in the home. I feel like I have been treated like an hysterical woman even though he is a lot bigger than me and I had told them he had physically assaulted me in the past. I have had to be outwardly strong and just get on with it meanwhile he has been taken in by a family member. I am working long hours but dread w-e as it means I may have to have contact with him and need to do so in order to progress divorce. This w-e due to pressure and stress I shouted at him on the phone and his ds took the phone off him and told me I was basically not helping as he was so fragile right now. He may be ill but I just feel like I am constantly being judged by them as a bad person despite having put up with years of really awful behavior as he has been so good at lying and putting on a front to other people.

OP posts:
Thamesis · 30/04/2018 17:26

I believe you OP. Have you contacted Women's Aid or similar? They can support you through the separation and divorce process. I wrote it all down so that I remembered it and didn't feel like it was all in my head.

It's a horrible time but it sounds like you're on the path to escape/recovery - well done. It's such a hard thing to do Flowers

papaver · 01/05/2018 08:22

Thank-you thamesis - the writing down is a very good idea. Often wish I’d kept a journal. Think I am only just beginning to realize how much I have been treading on eggshells and working around him during the supposedly OK times. He is like a lost little boy who wants to be looked after but also wants all the control and takes no responsibility for any of his behavior I just wish Id left years ago but I guess better late than never.

OP posts:
Thamesis · 08/05/2018 18:25

Keep going OP, you will get through to the other side and feel much better. Speak to Women's Aid or GP if you need extra support - I found it really helpful to speak to someone who really understood what I was feeling. I also spoke to a couple of very close friends who were always at the end of the phone if I needed them. Saved my sanity at times. Flowers

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