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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How do you avoid the weaponisation argument

3 replies

Dunnoaboutthat · 13/04/2018 22:24

My ex partner is accusing me of using my kids as weapons.

I had good reason for throwing him out (verbally abusive and angry throughout and abusive at end) in addition to this he’s not entirely stable (has severe anxiety issues and had a suicidal nervous breakdown after I chucked him out) and convincingly believes the world owes him a living, which includes me.
So I’m finding it hard to separate my feelings for him from the best thing for my kid. How do you do it objectively?
I just want my dd to grow up safe and happy and be as amazing as I can help her to be.
He basically wants more contact from the 1 day a week he currently gets, and he wants his mum to get a day as well as she previously had dd 1 day a week. Which I stopped after, when he was suicidal, I asked her to get him some professional help, but she said “no. You have killed my son” Plus she was a complete cow. It was all my fault and I should take him back etc...
My mum basically said both of you get on with it, I’m only concerned about dgd. Which to my mind makes her an infinitely more suitable guardian than my ex mil.
Ergh, it’s a complete mess. My argument is about routine. He can continue seeing her every Sunday for as long as he wants, whereas more time now would change to less time in 6 months when she goes to school.

So am I guilty of using her as a weapon? If so, how do I separate it all out. How did you guys?

OP posts:
westernchampion · 17/04/2018 09:42

I am.not able to offer you any advice from my experiences but It seems like you are definitely doing everything you can for her and putting her first. I certainly don't think you are using her as a weapon. Are they asking for 2 extra days then. To go from 1 to 3 seems like a lot, especially every week.

m0vinf0rward · 18/04/2018 18:58

Just remember, she's as much his child as yours and you haven't right to deny him access unless there is good legal grounds for doing so. If you were happy to have him look after her whilst you were together then I see no reason why he's suddenly unfit now. His mother can be a perfectly reasonable guardian too, her liking you is NOT a requirement for visitation. Children need their fathers just as much as mothers.

wobytide · 18/04/2018 20:03

I’m only concerned about dgd.

At least one of the family has an idea what actually matters

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