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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Custody

21 replies

Whoknows11 · 13/04/2018 20:55

So after my ex left me heavily pregnant with our second child 3 years ago for another woman, he’s now going for full custody!!

Someone please tell me he is insane before I start going insane??!

OP posts:

Dunnoaboutthat · 13/04/2018 22:34

He’s insane. Beilieve in yourself. Get a good lawyer.

GoldenOrb · 13/04/2018 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 13/04/2018 22:51

Thank you for your comments.

The contact he’s had is eow, one day in the week after school for tea and half the holidays. He’s wanted more but he job he’s in means he’s away a lot so it hasn’t worked out. It’s all been on his terms and I’ve remained very flexible.

Nope I’m not addict. Just a hard, part time working (public services) single mother, with a no debt, lovely home, paying my mortgage on time, well rounded, bright children and fantastic parents who support me in the hell my ex has tried to cause me since the minute he left me ill in hospital heavily pregnant.

To everyone on the outside he paints the picture he’s the hard done by doting father.

OP posts:

GoldenOrb · 13/04/2018 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 13/04/2018 23:27

Then I just don’t get what his game plan is. Why ruin what ever amicable relationship was left after his infidelity and abdanoment with trying to take the children away from their mother?!
For me he’s now gone too far and sadly I don’t see any way back from us communicating like patents should.
In the end it’s our children that will get hurt, doesn’t he see that?

OP posts:

GoldenOrb · 13/04/2018 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jon66 · 13/04/2018 23:41

It is called residence, and there is a general presumption of 50 50.

hayli · 13/04/2018 23:44

Oh god. What a twat. Stay strong op. No way he can go full custody.

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 13/04/2018 23:45

Staying strong is what I’ve done since he walked out on us. But this time I feel he’s over stepped the mark. I know the ow is behind a lot of it. She wanted my life and now she wants my children. I feel I’m in some psycho/horror movie!

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 14/04/2018 08:57

there is a general presumption of 50 50.

Assuming the OP is in the jurisdiction of England & Wales, there absolutely is not.

RandomMess · 14/04/2018 09:31

Probably about money, you paying him maintenance instead of the other way around... access to tax credits etc as they would claim child benefit... erm propping up their failing relationships by making you the common enemy by fighting over the DC...

Insanityinthesuburbs · 14/04/2018 09:40

Mrs Bert - what's the usual split? I only ask as I'm a SAHM (well, not now but until the divorce) and do 85 per cent of custody. He's now threatening me he wants 50:50 (although he works abroad a lot, works until 8 most nights (I'm home by half 5)). It just wouldn't work what he's proposing but he is angling for more...

waterSpider · 14/04/2018 13:13

Everyone will tell you that every case is different and there is no usual split. But
(1) it's quite common for even quite highly involved fathers to get every other weekend + night in the week + half of holidays (if feasible).
(2) the idea of a move to a 50/50 presumption was rejected, BUT there is a presumption that parental contact is good.
(3) 50/50 most likely when childcare was split before the separation.
(4) not 'custody'. About 'child arrangements'.

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 14/04/2018 18:54

Random Mess - once all this is done and dusted his relationship with the ow will fail as they will have nothing to talk about and gang up on me about!
50/50 would be a huge shock to him and something I can’t see he’d be able to do as he works away a fair amount and surely the ow wouldn’t be suggested to look after them in his absence?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 14/04/2018 18:58

I think you can ask for first refusal so if he's away you have to be offered the option of having them instead...

Let them crack on with taking you to court?

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 14/04/2018 19:10

Yep I have no other option!

Feeling better about things today after all it’s laughable with what he wants. I just need to keep my cool!

OP posts:

RandomMess · 14/04/2018 19:11

Look into the first refusal thing - will make a mockery of him demanding 50:50 I suspect.

MrsBertBibby · 14/04/2018 19:21

Don't rely on that to undermine a shared care arrangement, it is utterly unenforceable and for that reason shouldn't be ordered.

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 14/04/2018 19:22

My biggest question is what sort of human being threatens to take children away from their mother when they’ve done nothing wrong?

I feel he’s now using the children as weapons.

Why did I have children with such a horrid person?!

OP posts:

Lorry123 · 16/04/2018 19:44

He sounds like my narcissistic ex - left me high and dry to go and live with my neighbour and her 4 children in the same road as me then came after me for custody. We went to court and he lost. In fact we had a section 7 ordered and his whole abusive / aggressive behaviour towards me was scrutinised. Don't be afraid of court, I think they are becoming more used to these situations. I think part of it for my ex was that he didn't want to pay me any child maintenance - absolutely no thought about what was in the childrens best interest.

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 16/04/2018 20:02

Saw my SHL this morning who put my mind at ease and said he doesn’t stand a chance and will be made a mockery of after myvsyatementvis read of all his selfish, lazy parenting.

On another note he attempted to get our 2 yr old in the car at pick up today whilst he was kicking and screaming saying he didn’t want to go to daddy’s. My ex gave up and brought him back from out the car after nearly loosing it with him.
He has been point blank refusing to go to his for months now but today was the worst I’ve seen him protest!

OP posts:

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