Divorcing but buying another house!!

[TreePeony76]

Hello

I am concerned about a friend of mine who had decided to leave her husband. She has remained in the family home with the 2 kids (11&14), he has moved to a relative’s and comes back one weeknight and every other weekend to stay and have the girls whilst she leaves and stays at her mum’s. In between he comes and goes freely in the family home.

They need to sort out financial issues and housing and his solution is to remortgage their existing home to release equity to buy a buy to let property which he will live in. So they are getting a divorce but will own two properties together now instead of one....

His justification is that the second property is an investment for the girls (?) and he does not want to sell the family home. There seems to be no discussion about who will pay what proportion of what mortgage etc or talk of child support. My friend’s justification is that she wants to keep the girls in the family home until the youngest turns 18 and for him to have an ok place to live.

My friend is very naive, works part time, all her money goes into the joint account from where all bills are paid and he pays the joint account from his business. She has no idea what he earns (he is not a super earner, he is builder does ok) she has never managed any finances other than saying to him the joint account needs topping up. She doesn’t even have her own bank account. She is leaving him after years of subtle controlling behaviour and I am very concerned that this is another example. He does not want to split up and she wants to keep things friendly and for him to have somewhere decent to live.

She is incredibly naive and all sorts of alarm bells are ringing for me but she is burying her head in the sand because she does not want the upheaval. I’ve advised her to see a solicitor which she did but kind of dismissed what they said, other friends have told her it’s ridiculous. I’ve raised issues such as him still thinking he can come into the house when he likes, what if she meets someone, what if he meets someone etc etc which she raises with him and he says ‘I know I can’t come into the house when I like’ and ‘I’m not going to meet anyone’...

Any advice, thoughts etc..?

Nothing helpful really to add but it does sound as if it is a way for him to retain control.

I’m in a similar situation and as a low earner in the family home have thought about lots of different options for trying to keep this place for the children and support high earning dh to buy a second place. However, I have concluded that being financially independent is fundamental or he has control of my life still, as whilst we remain committed to being amicable our interactions are so raw this is nearly impossible. I work and receive tax credits to enable this independence and he is supposed to pay a high level of maintenance- which currently withholding but is paying the mortgage and not allowing me to contribute to that, so
Very much trying to stay in control. I think I could pay the mortgage on family home I’d he would allow but it’s a slow process to separate everything and he’s holding tight at the moment. I hope to go on in time to buy a cheaper property in my own name once this is sold.

I would advise her to see a solicitor and take her time these things are not sorted out quickly and everyone needs time. Don’t commit to anything but try and get her ducks in a row for future independence, find out what she is entitled to. Be quietly strong and confident I was reassured at protection the law could offer me.

Will need to be sorted properly. Sounds like a huge mess and surely just another way of him controlling her?

Useful thread for me as I was wondering about doing this for me and husband because I don't want to live with him anymore. If I'm honest I'm worried about losing his financial help though as he is a higher earner than me. I thought this way we are separate but maintain the financial benefits

It sounds like a mess with the potential to grow into a far bigger mess with her not having a clue to what she has committed to or the implications. She needs to try and separate finances and assets as much as possible and anything that has to be joint is underpinned within the financial settlement