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Unhappy at home - when to call it a quits...

5 replies

unhappyandconfused · 30/03/2018 17:39


I am becoming increasingly unhappy at home and starting to realise I can't go on like this. I will list a few of my reasons:
(1) I have just turned 46, DH is 56. He acts older. I am bored.
(2) We have nothing in common apart from the kids (14 and 10).
(3) We haven't had sex since our youngest was a toddler. My fault as, at first I was just tired, but then realised I wasn't sexually attracted to him. There will never be sex/affection between us again.
(4) I am pretty fun loving and look young for my age. He is the opposite.
(5) We have no grandparents around (all RIP) so have struggled over the years with work etc.
(6) I have a career that his job (not what I'd call a professional role) has messed about. Hours not compatible.
(7) We are just not compatible. I find myself wanting to get out of the house away from him all the time
(8) he thinks more of me than I think of him

How did you know it was time to call it a day (this is a question to anyone who has separated)? I honestly dread the day he retires!
I am thinking of doubling the mortgage payments for a year to clear the mortgage and will give it a year to make up my mind but I, seriously, cannot go on like this. I have no sex life/no affection/I am bored silly. I am becoming increasingly grouchy around him too.

I stay for the kids but not sure I can for my sanity.

What can I do?

OP posts:
unhappyandconfused · 30/03/2018 17:44

Forgot to say, my mum died 2 years ago (aged 83) so I feel I have no-one to talk to. I am not keen on telling anyone at work even though I have worked with a few of them for many years (some are close friends).
My mum left my dad at 48 but for different reasons.

OP posts:
SpringerLink · 30/03/2018 18:27

From your summary it sounds like it’s time to move on already.

There’s a book called “too good to leave, too bad to stay” that can help you make up your mind.

TroubledLichen · 30/03/2018 18:36

You’ve basically said your career, sex life and sanity will be better if you leave. It sounds like you’ve already got one foot out the door, even if it’s just in your head right now... The kids will be fine, better than growing up with a snappy grouchy mother that can’t stand the sight of their father. Whatever you decide though, I wish you the best of luck.

somuchbetter · 30/03/2018 22:09

You sound very selfish to me. Your so called predicaments (sex life, boredom, lack of interaction) are your own choices; yet you make it like it your OH's fault. Clearly you don't love him and seem to think you're better than him. Have you even tried to make the relationship work? Does he know how you feel or are you planning to just walk out without even giving him a chance?
Being bored has everything to do with you, you can't expect your partner to make up for your lack of purpose. Try finding an activity that makes you fulfilled. Otherwise what do you expect - to walk out and your life to suddenly fill up with magically interesting moments? It doesn't happen that way.
Unfortunately, you sound too far gone to ever fix your relationship. In my experience, if one partner is feeling superior to the other, the relationship rarely survives the lack of respect and empathy.
Good luck to both of you!

RedSquirrelMoonlight · 07/04/2018 02:57

OP: If your going to give it a year, actually try (don't just go through the motions). From your post, it seems like you want to split but your head isn't quite there yet.

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