Decided to divorce in May 2017 still living together - hell

[Joey1925]

I just can't seem to get rid of him. We've come to an agreement financially which is way more than I had hoped but perhaps less than I would have had to pay if it went to court. I'm buying him out of the house. My solicitors drawn up the paperwork but he's sat on it. I had to nudge him to get it looked at by his solicitor. It then has to go to court and I've been told that can take from 28 days to 2 months. My ex is adamant he does not want to rent and yet he's not found anywhere to buy. Every house he's looked at he comes up with excuses as to why he doesn't want it. My solicitor says when the court rubber stamp it he must leave but I'm worried I might be accused of making my DS father homeless. I'm not actually sure how i would get him out anyway. My sister says call in the bailiffs but I'm nervous. The thing is, if I don't take drastic action he could be here for years!!

I would love to hear your suggestions. I don't want to be the bad person but he's really difficult person to live with. He's abusive and a narcissist and I'm worried about the impact this is having on my DS.

I'm in a similar position, decided to separate in March '17 but still part co-habiting. We get on well but it's still incredibly difficult. Neither of us has anywhere else to go and won't be able to afford to buy anywhere else once the house is sold. We could be stuck for another couple of years. In your case, once the paperwork is rubber stamped he will have to go. Can you talk to him? You could always pack his stuff up and change the locks? Sounds like he's burying his head in the sand. Sorry, not much help.

Oh god, me too.

The stress on the children is immense - large part of my decision to separate was due to his behaviour towards and treatment of the dc, and this hasn’t improved any. I have had social services involved, one dc in counselling, second dc I’m trying to get counselling for, and he’s still here!

He could afford to rent, he just doesn’t want to. And there is seemingly little I can do about it for now.

It’s horrendous.

Will it's his tough shit if he hasn't done anything... he's had plenty of time and would be making himself homeless through his inaction!!

Thanks. That makes me feel better. My solicitor said that he must go after the court hearing. By then he will have plenty of money to rent or buy as he wishes. He's made it clear through mediation that he has no intention of renting but he's made no real moves to find somewhere. He's made a few visits to houses on the market and seen some lovely places but he won't make the move. Really frustrating! He's also had a significant impact on our 14 year old DS. I'm thinking of getting counselling for him as he's so confused by it all. My sister says I need to get him out ASAP.

Your situations sound awful sending hugs. I am worried my situation will become like this. He is controlling and is very harsh and intolerant with me and especially with our child which is what made me say enough is enough in the end. So far he has told me he has done nothing wrong and he won't leave and he won't sign papers if I appoint solicitor and I am to blame and we will just have to carry on living together like normal . I have appointed one but nothing will be done this side of Easter, I have moved out the bed but it means sleeping on the floor, not ideal but I feel necessary , he won't leave the bed . How do you all go about the other things like meal times, laundry etc

Perhaps you should warn him that the day of the court hearing you will be changing the locks...

Have you discussed any items of furniture he is taking? Will you get notice of the hearing date?

I would ask about how you legally give notice to get someone's belongings removed from your property.

Is there any chance he is bluffing in order to try and control/stress you out/make you feel guilty?

I understand what you are going through Joey 1925. I am in a similar situation. I (not him) decided in Dec 2015 (after finding out he had been seeing someone for several years, previous infidelity years earlier) that I want a divorce. Still living together now. I have spent £1400 so far on solicitor but have gone nowhere as he has managed to blackmail me so much emotionally (that he will go to live abroad, he wont see kids for years, kids of divorced parent go on worm path of life etc). I feel completely isolated as I have no family in the UK. We have been together over 20 y. He hasn't been working for last 3 y. I find it v difficult to kick him out as he has no income- cannot afford to buy or rent.

@monalisa21 it's emotional blackmail to serve his financial benefit. Find your anger and push through

thank you randoMess. I have to, have to like all of us here find more strength and go for it. I can at times almost 'touch happiness', it is there waiting for me. We shouldn't forget that.