Clearing house to move a couple of years into divorce

[intheairthatnightfernando]

I am divorced from my exH, we are two years on and things are stable. He left me very suddenly after 20 years together and it took me a while to regain my equilibrium but I am mostly good now, my children are happy and settled and I have a nice boyfriend.

I am currently clearing and packing my house as I've decided to move (I now own the marital home and really wanted to stay put at first but now I feel strong enough for a fresh start and the children are on board and enthusiastic).

The issue is, I am finding lots of sentimental stuff that you just shove in boxes and forget about. It's all there - old cards and letters, tickets of things we went to, photos and notes. It's a life, our life, and while it isn't our life any more and I have been utterly shafted and let down by him, I don't want to throw out my life memories. I don't want to be bitter as we were so happy for so long. But it does feel weird carting old memories to my new house (I am not buying with new boyfriend, that is not the issue, it's just a house for me and the children). I think I'll like to look back on them and also show the kids when they're bigger that they came from a relationship of love. However it is quite upsetting.

Not sure what I'm asking, just wondering if anyone else has thoughts/experience on this matter.

DH kept a few things he thought his DD might want (wedding photos etc) they are in a small box in the loft. She is now grown up and once she is settled in a place of her own he will hand them on for her to keep or not. It was the right thing to do IMO (speaking as an adult with divorced parents who has nothing like this, not even any baby photos of myself )

I am in this same position Op - 20 year marriage too and got shafted by x and his treatment of me throughout divorce has had me under MEntal Health twice.

I recently had to clear the loft and it is currently all in the lounge - boxes and boxes of "stuff" cards letters photos old kids toys that I wanted to keep for future grandkids etc.

I have yet to decide what to do with it as I don't want to take it with me and his treatment of me and the kids has left me questioning was it really love -and although for me yes it was I'm not sure it was for him either for me or kids - I believe he has narcisstic characteristics. He took what he wanted and has left the rest for me to sort through and deal with. I'm not even sure how the kids feel about it all as they have suffered as a result of some of his actions.

So the answer is I don't know either - I guess I bin it because I really can't see how the marriage can have ended as it did if he felt anything for me or the kids - I came across the wedding photos and I look at them and think this was somebody else _ not me - 20 years have been wiped out by his selfish behaviour - can the kids look at photos of us as a family and get something good out of them - I honestly can't say - such a bloody shame!

Not as long a relationship but we were together for 10 years, married for 8, now separated for 5 years, divorced for 3.
I moved just after we separated and kept everything. I moved again in December into what I hope is a long term home for me and DD. I binned everything this time around. Wedding photos, cards from our engagement and wedding, holiday photos. Everything. I told DM and she was surprised that I hadn’t kept anything for DD. But I don’t know why I would? Mum has a copy of my wedding album and my wedding dress in loft so I can show DD if she ever asks.
It was just clutter.

I'm keeping the photos, tickets etc whilst there are indications that I ought to question the whole relationship of ten years my children will one day want to see these bits. I get the feeling one day they will wonder how we looked together as a couple because they are only very young. We did have some sane years and maybe one day I will look over them and smile too but that might take a few decades!

One small box, in the loft, of photos, momento, etc is totally fine.

I had the same issue. Packed all the memories up including wedding photos, holiday photos, other stuff he had left in a couple of boxes. When I came to move again, my son who is late 20s now, I gave it all to him. He appreciated it because his father died a few years ago unexpectedly so he had the early childhood photos and other memorabilia to look back on. He was v young when we split and their relationship was never what my son wanted it to be, but having the boxes was a comfort I think.

I have no good memories of my 20+ year relationship. I was just used.

I binned everything except some baby photos I thought the children might like to see sometime. I even burned my wedding dress. I thought about selling it on eBay but decided I could not wish that on anyone else.That was a couple of years ago. I have not missed them.

Almost identical situation here. I kept 2-shoe boxes full of photos and the wedding album. The rest was binned.

I have kept all photo's and my wedding album is in the loft.

When l was packing his stuff into boxes l did add all the xmas, birthday etc cards that he'd sent me and I'd sent him - especially the one's from the last 5 year's as he told the children he'd stopped loving me 5 years ago