probability of kids living with me

[MustSleepNow]

My husband and I have had a lot of issue and I have been considering what will happen if we divorce. He hasn't treated me and the kids well for a long time and I'm pretty sure it's emotional abuse. He blames it on depression and being driven to it by mine/children's behaviour.

We have been married 10 years and own our house jointly (mortgaged). We have 3 young children. I have always been the primary carer, I gave up work after our second child was born to be a stay at home mum. I have always done everything for them, my husband does very little with the kids. If anything happens it is me they want not him, especially the younger two.

If he leaves us or I get to the point where I ask him to go, how would it work with the children and deciding on who has how much contact? I feel they would be best with me the majority of the time and with him every other weekend with maybe a week or two during school holidays. I would want them to have a good relationship with him but the youngest two really wouldn't cope with long stays away very well at the moment although as they get older I'm sure it would get easier. I have a feeling husband would be difficult though and want 50/50 contact which I think would be a disaster for the kids. He loves them a lot but has had a big negative impact on their self esteem and behaviour recently and i'm sure it would spiral if we split and kids were 50/50 with each of us.

What are the chances of me being the resident parent and them having EOW with dad if it was down to the courts? Do they take EA into account as it can't really be proved? Does it make a difference if he walked out or if I asked him to go?

So confused right now. I think we would all be happier to split but I feel liked I shouldn't risk it if there's a good chance he'd get 50/50 contact.

Unfortunately no one can predict how this will go for you. I have recently come to realise what my opinion of what happens isn't necessarily important. You need to work out how you and your X will co-parent after separation - and this means communicating with him. This will probably be one of the most difficult things you will have to do/face - but do it you must if he doesn't know yet about your intentions - you need to cross that bridge first before you can decide what happens with the kids - sorry this may not be the answer you wanted just trying to be honest.

Unfortunately, if your expectations will turn out to be true and your ex will be asking for 50/50 there will be lots of things you and your kids will have to adapt to.
As far as I know, the 50/50 time is not something the courts will insist on, particularly if you show you were the main carer. There is however a presumption of frequent and substantial contact, particularly if he insists on it. I have a 65 to 35 time share. You will have to go to mediation, almost inevitably. Both mediator and courts will try and put pressure on parents to sort it out (it can be hard not to feel like it's a bit biased against mums).
If you strongly feel your ex is emotionally abusive than be strong and don't give in. Staying in a relationship like that is not good for you or your kids but in the end is your decision and your life so only you can choose.
Keep evidence of emotionally abusive incidents (I know it can be hard but you can easily forget what has happened and end up remembering only a handful of situations which can easily be dismissed as isolated and trivial), try to get exchanges about the children in writing only or have witnesses. Don't give in to unfair pressure. If he fights you then you won't be in for an easy ride, with three kids to raise you'll probably have to go to work soon enough so try to get him to take the time that suits you and allows you to return to work. Get him to do school runs and clubs, if he really wants to be a proper dad he will have to accept the chores and nitty gritty tasks that come with the teritorry, do not let him corner you in a on demand carer position where you look after the kids whenever he works while you have no chance of having a job.
As painful as it may be, in the eventuality of a separation, make sure you look after your future and use the time the kids are in his care for your own benefit, for your career or just having some me time! As much as I love my kids, and I'm always happy to be with them, I do appreciate having some me time, particularly after 8 years of having none whatsoever, while being in a couple.
Good luck!