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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How to tell the children

3 replies

Thegianttap · 15/03/2018 17:02

This question has probably been asked many times before.

In a nutshell: 17 years of marriage, three boys aged 14, 12 and 8. DH had an affair 5 years ago when DS3 was 2 years old. As soon as I found out, he dropped her. I forgave him after initially wanting to end it (at least I tried v. hard to, for the sake of the children, in truth, I stopped loving him). Counselling - didn't really help. Then I began an affair in September with someone I'd gone to university with (I also met DH at university but they don't know each other). He approached me out of the blue and it escalated extremely quickly. I basically fell head over proverbial heels. His wife found out and they are separating. Then I told DH. I told him I wanted to end it and his reaction was to make a cup of tea. Anyway, so we are ending it. We haven't told the children yet. What on earth do we tell them? I have absolutely no idea where to start. Every time I think about it I get upset. We're hoping to tell them at the start of the school holidays. Any advice, much, much appreciated. I think my description belies the emotional battering that has got everyone involved this far!

OP posts:
TheSaviorsAreNonU · 15/03/2018 19:15

Factual. Reassure them that you both still love them.

Make it very clear that this is the end. It will help in the long term.

It's like ripping off a plaster. You just have to do it

BubbleAndSquark · 15/03/2018 19:23

Don't tell them about the affairs if DP is also reliable to not say to them. If he is likely to tell them down the line then best to be completely honest now.

Explain that you still love all the boys but you and DP have become friends rather than husband and wife. Say you will both still be there for them any time and that you will all talk together about living arrangements when it comes to the time to sort out you and DP living in separate houses and that they will have 2 homes.

Thegianttap · 18/03/2018 14:11

Thank you both for your advice, as I understand it we have agreed not to tell them about the affairs. And 'friends' describes our relationship perfectly actually. We are both being extremely amicable about it all.

I'm just worried about their questions I guess, in case they ask directly. I'm also worried I'm going to burst into floods.

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