Where do your "friends" go after divorce/separation

[Monkee4]

I split from my long time (25 years) partner last year. My choice no one else involved had just been unhappy for a very LONG time. Had tried couples therapy twice stuck it out too long for the sake of teenager but was always very aware that was a bad thing to do. Financially it was very difficult for me too which was another reason for staying. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Anyway, since then I have moved 20 miles away and now I spend nearly all of my time alone (apart from work) My "friends" don't seem to think I might really like it if they invited me and my daughter round. That I might be sad, need comforting occasionally (even though it was my decision). One actually said - maybe we could meet for a quick coffee sometime? This because I work and she doesn't - so I am relegated to a quick coffee (because I am now as a single person so I don't get to go out in the evening with the "smug couples" anymore. I have invited said friends round for a meal to my new (much smaller place) and they came but the invite back is not to their home but "lets go out for a drink". This sounds bitter I know but just had to rant and would love to hear other's experiences. I know I am not alone in this :(

I have no advice, but I'm feeling your pain

My children are adult so it's just me at the weekends. Friends are all couples and I just don't feature in their minds when they're inviting people over etc.

You will find your niche. I am 4 years on and I now have a circle of really good friends. I accepted that I wouldn't be invited to couple things - I think being single and female makes some view you as a threat despite being fat, 48 and dull.

Ditto - ive no answers either. Some folk cant see beyond the end of their own noses. Or maybe they envy you and dont know how to handle it.

either way, its crap. try to focus on the ones who are there, however the opportunities present themselves and look after you

we barely got the invites back when we were married - now i worry it was me...

youll get there...

How many friends have you invited round for dinner? Have you invited anyone round or out for a girls night? What sorts of things have you instigated?

Your social life can take different forms. Join a club or two locally and accept you won't be included in the couple stuff. Because you're right, you won't.

After separation ExH wrote to or rang everyone in our address book with a round robin assassinating my character, which I found quite funny. The story he gave was indeed grim, yet he failed to notice that he undermined his own story because he had never said anything of this at the time. During our marriage ExH had made out life was perfect, and he was the sort of person who sure would have complained bitterly about anything.

I began to feel I needed a new start away from all the shitty memories of coercion and abuse which meant moving away and gradually losing contact with quite a few former friends. On the whole, I prefer it this way and am glad that my current friends and new family don't have to suffer the presence of ExH.

Just my experience, OP.

Thanks to everyone your replies really help. I did instigate a girls night and the girls (married) who came really enjoyed it and said they "envy" me and my new rented house which they think is like party central - little do they know. But you're absolutely right - it has made me realise sadly that a lot of those couples were not real friends and I look forward to finding people more like me. TBH I had always found them weird, stepford types anyway! I am taking a course as well as and have met some great people on it. I just need to get out there a bit more and enjoy the new me! What a d**k your ExH sounds invitroveritas! The fact that he felt compelled to slag you off to everyone - says it all. Glad you have found a nice new family and as you say you don't have to put with him anymore. I just had lunch with my ex and teenager and he snapped/shouted at me in the pub. What a miserable git - proof of doing the right thing - as if I needed it :)