Embarrassed to tell people we've split

[Gordonbennit]

Why am I so embarrassed to tell people!!??

My H will be moving out within the next couple of weeks his flat is in process of finalising.

Just can't bring myself to tell anyone! I want him to go so it's not doubts or anything - just I don't seem to have the words to start the bombshell conversation.

Dreading telling my parents & family
Dreading telling my boss & work colleagues
Feel like iv failed...iv faked the happy family for so long I don't know any other life....

The thought of telling the kids 3,5&8 is enough to make me feel sick! Thinking of telling them individually so it's not so much of a head mash!?!

Any advice or a hand hold please....

Hand hold

You say you've 'faked' a happy family... do you think there's a chance that family/colleagues know your 'real' situation and will be prepared for the conversation?

We are newly seperated but still live in the same house . I am really embarrassed to tell people also ! Everyone around me seem to be the perfect families . My dh has been very verbally abusive for years so it's all been very difficult . Hope you are getting some support .

Thanks for flowers Shackup -

I think my brother & SIL won't be too surprised but apart from that no-one would suspect, I've been brought up to fake the good life, emotionally (which is prob what got me in this mess!;) My parents are of a put up and shut up way of thinking so I know they will be shocked and do the whole 'but think of the children' speech

Hi twinkle for you, Well done for beginning the process, you deserve better than to be spoke to like sh**! I used to think everyone else had the high life while happy for them it just makes it worse for us (how selfish ) once I'm happy with myself I'm sure I will be happier for everyone else!

its just the conversation though of telling them he's leaving....answering their questions, the sympathy, the look of pity from them, the judgment. I just feel like ive failed everyone's expectations. Guess I'm just scared......and disappointed in myself, I know they will be disappointed too.

Maybe I won't tell anyone and just hide under a rock

I'm currently going through this myself. I found telling my parents the hardest. I called at their house to tell them in person and started crying soon as DM opened the door, gave them a hell of a fright. But I'm so glad I have their support now.

I've actually found telling people and being able to talk about it a lot easier than hiding it and putting on a brave face.
Take a deep breath and tell one person, it will all come out a lot easier then.

I found it so hard to tell people initially- I felt a failure, and we appeared to be a strong couple right up to the end. It was so hard, but people, on the whole, have been really support - it def makes you realise who your friends are though.

Thanks for your words of advice everyone!

His keys are here next week so cannot put it off much longer.

Was gonna tell the kids all together but think now going to do it one by one - but in the same couple of hours etc so they can ask any questions age appropriate - though I'm guessing my 3yr old won't really know what it means until they go to see his flat - God wonder if il go with them to have a look, maybe il feel too guilty. Maybe he won't let me in!!

You don’t owe it to anyone to live up to their expectations! It’s only you who has to live your life. It sounds like you’re breaking a habit in doing something for you by getting this divorce. Hopefully you will get some support from someone. Do you not have any friends who are supportive?

Good luck OP and enjoy your new life.

Hi greenster

Yes luckely I have a couple of friends who can buck me up if I get the wobbles, not that I get to see them much but I know they are there.

I'm definitely breaking a habit - think iv been co-dependant without realising it for years maybe always as my parents were ill growing up so iv always looked after people.

Hey ho onwards and upwards - like Towerofjoy says - if I tell one person the feeling of dread might ease a bit.

Hi all,
I'm very new to mumsnet and also here for support as I go through a separation.

I just wanted to say that I have found ppl more than supportive - even though we always got on with things amicably, ppl could see our underlying unhappiness - they all seem relieved for us if anything.
So, fingers crossed for you - I doubt you'll get any negativity at all xx