Background:
Married 17 years, at least last 10 been miserable. I have no family in this country and very few friends and generally keep it all to myself. The relationship has been on the rocks for a very long time. I don’t get any emotional support from him, there is a massive age gap between us and he comes from a generation who think you just have to get on with it regardless of the fact that there is nothing that keeps us together any more (no common interests and no inclination from him to do anything together). He is now 60 and all he wants to do is to sit in front of tv with the iPad in his hands. We have two kids, 13 and 7.
He has hardly ever done any activities with either (no swimming, beach walks, playing games, reading, etc), well you get the picture.
About 10 yrs ago we had a major change in financial circumstances, we bought a property at the height of the market which subsequently collapsed leaving us with virtually nothing. Since then we have been forced to rent and have moved several times which hasn’t been ideal for the children.
He earns a very decent wage but most of it currently gets eaten up by rent, council tax, other bills and credit card repayments.
To add to that our eldest is studying at private school (admittedly on a scholarship topped up by a massive bursary) but it’s not 100% funded and we still have to manage some of the costs.
In order to try and help with finances I set up a small business two and a half years ago and have literally put my blood, sweat and tears into this new venture. I’ll not go into too much detail but it’s very hard manual work with very early mornings. I decided to become self employed so that I could still look after the youngest at home and in order to save on childcare. My OH, however, has always said that he wants nothing to do with the business and has given me no help with running it apart from doing school pickups/drop offs when I’m busy. Anyway, lately business has faced quite a few challenges which almost tipped me over the edge. Once again I tried to turn to my OH for advice or simply for a shoulder to cry on and was faced with: “I told you from the start I wanted nothing to do with your business, you chose to do it instead of getting a conventional job and you need to grow up and stand on your own two feet!”
I’m finding it so painful that someone who has lived with me for 17 years and is the father of my kids can be so indifferent to their and my needs. He also has very little financial provision for himself for when he retires which could be in as soon as five years time at which point we would not be able to afford to stay in the current property.
Anyway, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in the last few days and am seriously considering asking him to move out. The question is will I be able to stay afloat on my own?
The house rent is £850
Council tax £187
Electric bill is £70 but will be higher (my business is currently based elsewhere but I would be bringing it home if we split up)
Heating oil (this is the scary one!) for the last four months has been £250 pm!!! Obviously much less in summer, we live in a very old badly insulated property.
Plus car running costs
These are the main outgoings.
I’m hoping I’d be able to negotiate with school regarding the school fees due to change in circumstances.
Universal credits have already been rolled out in our area but I’ve no idea how much help I’d get. My projection is that my net profits for 17/18 will be in the region of 10K.
I’m just looking for some reassurance and advice please. Any help would be much appreciated. I’m so scared and worried sick about my kids future.