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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Buying me out of our home

25 replies

Workermum · 26/02/2018 09:19

My marriage is over and I need to leave but I can’t afford to rent somewhere big enough for me and my 2 kids. Don’t think I will get any tax credits to help as I work and have the equity in our house. My husband wants us to stay together so is not very proactive in helping to sort out the situation but we are arguing a lot and although we have a spare room where I’m now staying I really need a place of my own. I can’t afford a solicitor as I am trying to pay off credit card debts. I’ve seen a mortgage adviser and know that if I go full time at work and pay off credit cards I should be able to get a mortgage on my own- this will also be a lot cheaper than paying rent. My husband has provisionally agreed to buy me out of our house with half of the equity when our fixed rate mortgage is up in a few months. My question is- can he buy me out while we’re still married?

OP posts:
Minestheoneinthegreen · 26/02/2018 18:46

Don't do it.
Find the money for legal advice and check out the pros and cons properly. The divorce should provide for equal housing for you both. If you get a mortgage, will it be on the same type /size of house in a similar area? And how do you know what a reasonable amount of equity would be?

Original poster
Workermum · 26/02/2018 19:43

I’m just clutching at straws I guess looking for a way out as I’ve no family nearby and no where else to go. The house I’m leaving is a 5 bed but i’ll be looking for a 3 bed in the same school catchment as I don’t need anything that big and I can no way near afford to buy him out of ours :( TBH the amount he can afford to give me is going to get me a do-er up-er and I’m losing my beautiful newly renovated home but it’s a sacrifice I’d be willing to make x

OP posts:
DPotter · 26/02/2018 19:53

I agree - get some good quality legal advice.

It’s not as simple as “what he can afford”.

Redtartanshoes · 26/02/2018 19:55

Go and see a solicitor. Seriously.

You don’t have to leave house/sell while kids are under 18

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/02/2018 20:02

Seriously, you need a Shit Hot Lawyer. Put it on a credit card if you have to.

Candlelights · 26/02/2018 20:03

You probably should get legal advice.

But to answer your question - yes there's no reason why your husband can't buy you out whilst you're still married, assuming his income is high enough to afford the new mortgage on his own. He'd then be the legal owner of the house, and you'd be free to buy another house with a mortgage based on your own income.

My aunt and uncle did this in order to separate without ever actually getting round to divorcing. It would be a bit insecure though as until you're actually divorced you'd both have a legal claim on both houses.

Original poster
Workermum · 26/02/2018 20:37

Thanks for all the replies. I just feel so trapped as he won’t leave and I can’t afford to go anywhere. I can’t keep putting my kids through all the arguments but I’ve literally got nowhere to go. i Saw a solicitor for a free 30 mins the other week but the costs she quoted me just terrified me as the amount of equity we have would just be eaten up by that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Workermum · 26/02/2018 20:45

The solicitor did mention the mesher order where I could stay in the house til the kids are 18 but my husband is adamant he wants his money out of the house and I have no way of giving him that. The annoying thing is I owned a home and a car before I met him and he had nothing, and now it’s me that’s got nothing. If I had family close I would leave but I don’t even have that option ☹️

OP posts:
Redtartanshoes · 26/02/2018 20:53

You don’t have to buy him out until the house is sold when kids are 18.

Also if you get tax credits or similar you may be entitled to legal aid.

A couple of hours of good advice could litterally save you thousands.

Do what you can to find the money fir a solicitor. Honestly. You get one chance at this

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/02/2018 20:59

Don't let him guilt you out of what is rightfully yours, whilst you are in this emotionally vulnerable situation. Lawyers fees are small compared to what it may financially cost you if you give in to what he wants. Stay strong.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/02/2018 21:00

AFAIK Legal aid is only available for domestic violence cases now, certainly people who would have got it in the past don't qualify now Sad

Ilovecrumpets · 26/02/2018 21:01

Worker I am sorry you are stuck in such a horrible situation.

I agree you need some legal advice - one word of caution is that mesher orders are fairly unusual these days, although they do still exist so not impossible. But yes if at all possible you need some legal advice specific to your situation.

HerRoyalNotness · 26/02/2018 21:05

Don't you need to get the house valued to work out the equity? It's not as simple as we've paid off x of the mortgage and y left, so you'll get half of x.

If the house has appreciated in value don't let him screw you over.

Plus you may be able to have a greater portion as you need to house the DC, he may earn much more than you etc...

Original poster
Workermum · 26/02/2018 21:08

I do feel guilty because it’s me that’s driving the separation- he’s put so much in to renovating this house (we both have) that I can’t just let him go rent for 14 years (youngest is only4) with no capital from it. He just keeps saying that it’s me that wants this so why should he leave, but the fact is we can’t have a marriage where only one of us wants to be in it can we? I am so tired of being controlled. Is £180 an hour that the solicitor quoted me an average amount or should I be looking elsewhere?

OP posts:
Original poster
Workermum · 26/02/2018 21:11

We’ve had the house valued so I’m basing the amount on half of the current equity based on outstanding mortgage- it’s true though that he earns vastly more than me, even if I increase my hours to full time x

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/02/2018 21:53

My solicitor was more than that, but worth it in the end. You want out of the marriage because he is controlling. If everything was lovely you'd probably still want to be there. I have known too many women walk away from financial security they were entitled to because they were guilted out of it/wanted all the madness to end. Please don't let him do this.

AForest · 26/02/2018 22:43

OP I am in a similar situation. H wants me to agree to a 50/50 split and to buy me out. I am driving the split so also feel guilty. I was also a car/home owner when we met and now have nothing. I registered with Wikivorce and got some advice over the phone which has basically made me really stop and think and consider what I might be entitled to. I am in the process of putting together a financial assessment through them. It might be worth a look to give you an idea of where to start. You have my sympathy, it is a horrible situation to be in.

wobytide · 26/02/2018 22:48

You are way off the mark and need to get legal advice before you do something daft based on what you think which is mostly wrong currently. His salary allows him greater mortgage capacity and you've given scant details to allow anyone give any meaningful advice. Get some help I.e. like wikivorce then see a solicitor

Original poster
Workermum · 27/02/2018 02:40

Thanks Aforest you have my sympathy too. I’ve just been into wikivorce and registered. Wobytide, I do want meaningful advice but I honestly don’t know what’s relevant- am totally at sea here 😔

OP posts:
KickAssAngel · 27/02/2018 03:40

It starts with the kids. Who is the primary caregiver? What will cause the least disruption? Is it possible for both parents to house them and have meaningful contact/overnights with them?

Those are the main questions to ask when looking at finances. Every penny that the parents have gets included - pensions, savings, etc.

Ideally both parents should be able to provide a comfortable home that they can share with the kids. That's why it can be possible for one parent, normally the main carer, to stay in the house until the children turn 18. It causes them the least disruption.

If there isn't enough money for that, then the hose will have to be sold and you each start again. It's also influenced by how many nights children stay with each parent.

So - start with the kids. Will one of you be having them more than the other? Then look at what money is needed to make their lives possible while having a relationship with both parents.

YimminiYoudar · 27/02/2018 05:56

What is in his pension pot? If he's been a high earner for a while it is entirely possible that the value of his pension is of the same general order of magnitude as the equity in the house, and that pot is just as much a joint asset. It is quite normal for a fair agreement to be that the high earning non-resident parent gets to keep their pension and the lower earning resident parent gets 100% of the marital home - but you really need professional advice especially if this man is a controlling type who could be deceiving you.

AForest · 27/02/2018 07:53

OP I am pleased you have registered with Wikivorce, you do need proper advice. I found it an eye opener as before I couldn't see how I could afford to live if I got divorced.

YimminiYoudar, that is interesting. My H is a reasonably high earner and I am trying to find out what his pension is worth.

SillySallySingsSongs · 27/02/2018 07:56

You don’t have to leave house/sell while kids are under 18

Really not as simple as that by any means.

Original poster
Workermum · 27/02/2018 09:50

Prior to our marriage I was the higher earner. Then when we had kids my wage decreased by a third as I went part time, and his career soared. He tells me that the historical difference means that my pension pot is still higher than his. But I have no idea- I don't even know what he's been taking home in his salary. I've been struggling to get by for years and running up credit card debt just to get by each month as a large percentage of my lower wage has been going into the house Angry

OP posts:
serena5610 · 03/03/2018 03:42

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