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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Flip

Original poster

No money to move out? He wont go.

23 replies

Suew18 · 17/02/2018 10:27

It seems that my husband (of 25yrs) and i can no longer live together. He was very aggressive and abusive towards me last night whilst my 17yr old son was in the house. I work full time but dont have the funds to be able to rent somewhere and leave. I know that he wont leave the house and the thought of us living in this awful atmosphere is really worrying me. My son was so upset last night. What can i do?

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 17/02/2018 10:32

First stop police.

Do you want to divorce?

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 17/02/2018 12:46

Do a benefits calculation. Do you own your house?

Original poster

Suew18 · 17/02/2018 13:14

He did not hit me but pushed his face against mine - spat in my face and generally threw stuff about. Slammed the food everywhere. Was extremely loud - shouting and swearing at me for about 45 mins. I just don’t know what to do. Feel like a hollow empty shell today. Trying to keep out of his way.

OP posts:

Original poster

Suew18 · 17/02/2018 13:16

The annoying thing is that we are just about to pay off our mortgage. The house is in joint name.

OP posts:

PoshPenny · 17/02/2018 13:18

That is abuse you know. Work out what you want to do and go from there xxx

MrsBertBibby · 17/02/2018 15:23

Please, report this to police.

Are you in England /Wales?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 17/02/2018 15:25

Let's get practical.

What would half of the house money buy you?

Would you be limited to your local area if your son is 17?

Is your son planning to go away to university in September?

Original poster

Suew18 · 17/02/2018 15:42

Reckon the house is worth £300,000 to £350,000 eldest son at uni and 2nd one hoping to go in 18months time. I looked up renting and would need about £2,000 to pay up front which I haven’t got. I think he just wants me to suffer on here, feeling miserable. He is waiting for me to say it’s all over so he doesn’t get any blame from the kids. However, as they know what he’s like, they would understand if I said I needed to get out.

OP posts:

Rach5l · 17/02/2018 15:52

So many posts like this on here today, not sure what the posters want, money to leave?? Sorry if this sounds harsh but just do it. Pack his stuff lock the door & file for divorce. Lack of £2k for rent (try somewhere cheaper?) is not a reason to stay, nor is it a reason to allow your son to live in this situation.

MrsBertBibby · 17/02/2018 15:59

You need access to 3 months rent to take on a tenancy, even supposing you have references and pass credit checks.

I suppose posters could just magic up that kind of money, or find it in their knicker drawer, if the just had a bit of gumption.

DancingHipposOnAcid · 17/02/2018 15:59

Spitting in someone's face is assault. Call the police and they will arrest him, especially with all the other stuff he did. Get the police to escort him out of the house and get an injunction against him to keep him out of the house. Speak to Women's Aid

PaperdollCartoon · 17/02/2018 16:20

@Rach5l you’ve clearly never had to worry about where you can get £2000 from. Most people don’t have easy access to this money.

mrsplopper · 17/02/2018 16:25

It's very hard.
I was in this position last summer.
You have my sympathies.
I rang police several times, to be honest, they weren't very helpful.
My husband left but then tried to move back in, at least 4 times. We had several physical fights.
Luckily for me, he has not come back since Christmas and I've started divorcing him.
I still feel crap, cry most days. But slowly, I'm beginning to feel like my old self. I realize how much confidence I'd lost, through being treated badly by him.
We can't agree yet over finances, I think the house will have to be sold. I feel terrified at the thought of having nobody to rely on, but myself.
But things can only get better!!

sportyfool · 17/02/2018 16:41

Pay off the mortgage , then sell then use £150k for a deposit .. the council will pay emergency rent while you sell in some areas . Go to the cab and speak with them for better advice .

sportyfool · 17/02/2018 16:42

By the way surely it doesn't cost £200o a month to rent a small 2 bed house . You obvs won't be able to have a similar house to what you are in now .

Original poster

Suew18 · 17/02/2018 16:52

Thanks everyone. I need a 2 bed - near where I live which isn’t cheap. I need 1 month rent up front plus another £1000 at least in deposit and fees. I do not have this sort of money at hand. I think that i would prefer to see if I can buy him out but think he will try to make my life as difficult as possible. I know I need to protect my son from being part of all this. This is why I want to just get out ASAP and then deal with all the financial side of things. A divorce is on the cards I think as much as it saddens me to say. 90 percent of the time we get on so we’ll but then he can just flip and it is so scary. I have decided to call 101 if he continues tonight. He has been outside all day - messing with his car and I’ve been lying low. Thanks for all your comments - can’t believe it’s come to this.

OP posts:

Jon66 · 17/02/2018 17:03

Every time this happens call 999 ask them to attend. Ensure it is logged. After several incidents of this abuse which must be putting you in fear of violence, see a solicitor about getting an exclusion order. This can be done initially without notice to him so he is excluded from the property immediately. There is then a full hearing a few weeks later. You may be entitled to legal aid to pursue this but la is a loan so the costs are registered as a charge against your property to be paid when at some point the property is sold. I would try to do this as you then have control over the situation. Free advice is available from women's aid if you need it but I advise taking advice from a solicitor.

snowbear66 · 17/02/2018 17:12

I would call the police, it's beyond just a row. At very least it might scare him.
Would your son be willing to move with you?
Do you have a parent who could be a guarantor?

Original poster

Suew18 · 17/02/2018 17:39

This is good advice and I wish now that I had been doing this - he was the same a couple of weeks ago. He was repentant the day after but has obviously forgot all about that now! He has always been volatile but last night was a new all time low. Alcohol involved. I will definitely do this from now on. Thank you - I can’t tell you how much it means to be able to communicate with someone and get advice.

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Original poster

Suew18 · 17/02/2018 17:41

snowbear66 - I think so if it was locally or on a bus route to his school. He is nervous atm and not wanting to take sides in fear of retribution I think. He was crying last night and hugging me - it breaks my heart.

OP posts:

BatshitCrazyWoman · 17/02/2018 22:28

Please go to the police.

Rent for a one bedroomed flat is £1,100 to £1,300 a month where I live, so I understand your issue with finding the money!

RandomMess · 17/02/2018 22:45

Spitting is assault! Please call the police

Original poster

Suew18 · 18/02/2018 10:34

I will do next time - should have done, I agree but was just trying to calm the situation. If he starts on me again, I will tell him that is what I will do so I have given him a fair warning. The alcohol is a problem as it fuels his rage. He went out to get some last night but left me alone. It is only very sporadic that he gets mad but when he does- it is horrendous.

OP posts:

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