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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Very acrimonious divorce!

21 replies

westendgirlx · 16/02/2018 21:48

I'd like to hear from anyone else in my shoes.

I'm just about to go to court for divorce. After 3 years of separation discussion, we have got nowhere. Even my solicitor says he has been unusually difficult!

He lives in our house, I rent with our daughter. He refuses to sell the house or buy me out. He wants to give me nothing. He has pensions too. I put £40,000 from my mother's estate into the joint account...all spent in our house and loan time his brother.

My solicitor has applied for 75:25 spilt in my favour, but I'm apprehensive because I know my husband still thinks I should get nothing and so do his family, whatever the law says that's their view!

OP posts:
HotelEuphoria · 16/02/2018 21:56

Why do they think you should get nothing when at the very minimum you contributed 40k ignoring all other entitlements.

Original poster
westendgirlx · 16/02/2018 22:16

Because I wanted the divorce. We had slept separately for 9 years (his idea) and he only wanted me as a housekeeper and mum.

They are very religious and can't believe I want a divorce.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 16/02/2018 22:22

Well being v religious (and in this case ignorant and misogynistic) aren't grounds for establishing a divorce settlement so they can grump all they like. Your situation with your ex is already awkward, you might as well be financially secure. Listen to your solicitor and nobody else. Get the access arrangements for your daughter nailed down, your ex will probably decide he wants fifty/fifty as soon as he perceives it would help him hang on to the cash and control so be prepared for that.
Congratulations on getting rid of a mean and selfish man.

Original poster
westendgirlx · 16/02/2018 22:26

Thank you for that!

We already have a contact agreement for our daughter...he took me to court in 2016 to try to have her live with him, but that failed. She lives with me and sees him once a month.

OP posts:
Original poster
westendgirlx · 16/02/2018 22:29

I'm apprehensive because I know it's going to be a long and expensive slog to obtain the divorce. I tried to get him to mediation, but he said he couldn't go because he couldn't drive! He owns a car that his family drive him about in!

OP posts:
tearsbybedtime · 16/02/2018 22:30

Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time, keep picturing the peaceful happy future you will soon have, not long now.

tearsbybedtime · 16/02/2018 22:31

Mediation is pointless in a situation like yours as they can't force anything like the court can and if he's unwilling it would just delay further

Original poster
westendgirlx · 16/02/2018 22:40

Thank you tearsbybedtime!

I'm going to court now. The writ is going to delivered next week sometime.

I'm just apprehensive. I spoke briefly with my brother in law today when I took my daughter for contact with her father...his attitude was as before..he shouted at me that I was getting nothing and objected to me going in the house...I'm still on the deeds to that house! And I find that he has a woman living there..allbeit in a separate bedroom!

OP posts:
yorkshireyummymummy · 16/02/2018 22:41

Well you must be rather relieved the court case is so close!

Thankfully the courts no longer listen to the voice of God but only to the law of the land! His family can bang on as much as they like, their opinions matter not one jot.
It made me laugh ( please forgive me) thinking of them all stiff and uptight and saying to the judge ‘ we don’t believe in divorce so please give our son all of the marital home’!!! They obviously believe in money though and don’t care that their granddaughter is living in rented accommodation rather than her own home! How very Christian/Jewish/Muslim they are!

The fact that your ex went for custody and ended up with monthly contact - this to me shows how the court case will go. He will expect to get the whole of the marital property. He will end up with not much in my humble opinion!
Good luck with the case. Trust your solicitor. I th8nk women do quite well in court case because we get a solicitor we trust and let them advise us. In my experience men get a solicitor and then proceed to TELL him what he is to do......and this invariably fails.

NorthernLurker · 16/02/2018 23:53

You sound very strong and sorted op. Hang in there. You have a right to be as financially secure as he is and to house your child. It will feel much better once this is done.

Original poster
westendgirlx · 17/02/2018 00:40

I feel anything but strong and sorted.

Just wondering if anyone else out there had such a difficult divorce and what happened in your case.

OP posts:
WellWhoKnew · 17/02/2018 00:50

Me! Ended up in a final hearing, penal notices galore. Was awarded almost everything after ex went on the spending spree to end all spending sprees. He got to pay most of my costs too.

That's the plus side of it.

The negative was it left me utterly traumatised. The stress was unbelievable, and I still struggle sometimes with how awful it was.

KeepHimJolene · 17/02/2018 01:15

An order of sale is a court judgement commonly obtained by a co-owner in your situation. Section 14. You will get 50% equity only unless you can provide th paper trail from a h inheritance placed into the joint account and it's use on the house / loan to his brother in which case you can ring-fence the first 40k then take a 50% split as a starting point then argue for a bigger percentage as you House your daughter.

Original poster
westendgirlx · 17/02/2018 02:01

I have the paper trail. My solicitor has spent a very long time assembling every last scrap of information.

But, I'm still worried. Probably because of the nasty untrue things my husband said in the court case over our daughter. The judge ordered an independent solicitor to interview everyone involved including our daughter because she couldn't make sense of what was really going on. He uses his church standing, his education and his good job as a smokescreen for his real bullying self

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tearsbybedtime · 17/02/2018 06:43

They are used to nasty untrue things being said so don't worry too much about what he says, they should see it for the hot air that it is, they deal with facts and it sounds like you have a thorough solicitor.
Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Original poster
westendgirlx · 17/02/2018 14:09

Thank you for your kind words folks!

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Original poster
westendgirlx · 17/02/2018 14:10

Has anyone else got any divorce stories they are willing to share with me?

OP posts:
Hermonie2016 · 19/02/2018 23:36

If your ex is being highly unreasonable and not willing to split assets then he is likely to be disappointed by court.Can't see how his current stance will be allowed.

What stage are you at? Outcomes are variable as judges have discretion but as you mostly have your dd that will help.
Other than the house is there any other assets? His pension?

What you have already seen is how some people will lie to "win" and ex shocked me.
He went on a spending spree 10,000's but queried my items for tiny amounts,>£3.00.
He lied consistently and used a technique of dumping arch lever files of info onto my solicitor rather than complete simple forms.

I managed to get 50% of assets which included some of ex's pension, which he hadn't wanted to give.I did settle at FDR as just felt I couldn't go on but suspect FH would have got me more.

Are you currently getting CM for your dd?

Moanranger · 20/02/2018 01:34

It took four years to settle with my ex. He created all sorts of difficulties and we only settled on the day of the Final Hearing. I was fully prepared to go to trial, but his barrister finally got him to settle. Like yours, he was delusional and made all sorts of ridiculous claims for things based on no factual information.
I completely sympathise with how tough it is, but hang in there. The basis in law is an equal split, and a judge will not sign of on a Consent Order that is not fair. Good luck, and courage (as they say in France!)

Original poster
westendgirlx · 23/02/2018 21:10

Thanks for telling me your stories. My initial writ has been served today. Yes, he does have a pension...several, in fact.

My solicitor has advised me to go for a 75:25 split in my favour because I put all my inheritance in the joint account and a lot of that was spent on buying our house, improvements in the house and on a loan to his brother (which never got paid back to the joint account nor to me.) Also because I abandoned my postgraduate studies to get married...stupid me! And I was the one to work part time to look after the kids and his career.

I am wondering if I will get more than 50% though, in reality. I know he will contest me all the way...he has had 3 and half years to offer me a deal and he has offered nothing...he has mostly tried to avoid giving information about his side of the assets. We still have some unknowns!

My attempt to get him to buy me out fell on deaf ears...he has just ignored the letters!

OP posts:
serena5610 · 03/03/2018 03:26

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