Husband of 30 years walked out 4 weeks ago.

[Saffy2010]

I’m absolutely devastated. I can’t sleep or eat properly. He was the biggest part of my life. We had mutual friends, I only have a few friends if my own, he was a big extrovert character, and my whole life revolves around him and my grown up girls.
I feel so lost I may have to move out of my home, I am struggling to go to work because I feel so panicky and stressed.
I can’t see a way forward, it is so so sad.
Any advice from anyone whose been through it would be gratefully received.

The runaway husband book has so many parallels, he was in a respected job, he's walked away without a backward glance, he has fragile self esteem and was unable to tolerate the slightest criticism. He has blamed the entire split in me in an email, I had no idea that it was going to happen. Little things from years ago were brought up, I thought were just normal rows.
I'm just left with the wreckage of my life and trying to move forward but not knowing how to.
The end of the marriage was a fait accompli but I did not know.

You nailed it....ditto mine.

You don't need to "move on" just yet. You need to permit yourself to grieve your losses...the past you thought you shared, the present smashing of illusions and the future you planned.

That's a lot to mourn. Cry a lot! Swear a lot! Accept your anger. Wallow in your depression. Talk as much as you can.

Oh, and remind yourself that he no longer comes first. He does not tell you what to think do or say anymore.

I also read "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft, and did "the freedom programme"' by Women's Aid. Both helped my sanity.

Then, and only then, you pick yourself up and make baby steps to a new life.

Until then KOKO.

My counsellor told me DH lacked empathy - she talks as if it is a thing, and hereditary.
She hit the nail on the head.
For your DH to walk out like that without any consideration of the upset for you sounds like he could be like this. They plough their own furrow, you assume they are considering you in their decisions but actually aren't at all and are just doing what suits them. If this is your DH you are probably better without him in the long run.

Hi @Saffy2010

You might want to look in to:

•'Gunnysacking'

•'Introvert Covert Narcissist'

Hi I hope you are doing ok, he has now told me that there is no other woman, although he told me he was leaving to go to her.
I'm feeling like he's telling me I imagined it.
I had a good job and I thought we were happy before all this. I do not know what all those 30 years were about, do they count for nothing.
He has caused this and he is telling people it is down to me.
I brought up my children, worked part time when they were little, we went on nice holidays, days out, family things and now all he wants is to through it all away.
It is so awful.
I want to go back to work and when I feel ok, I think perhaps I can, and then it all comes crashing down around me.