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Still on the fence. Think there's something wrong with me

5 replies

mugginsalert · 12/02/2018 22:57

I posted a few times about trying to decide whether to go through with divorce. Marriage not been good for 10 years now, then found out 8 months ago that he'd been having an affair for a year. I actually felt some relief that I had a reason to explain the coldness and the hostility and an 'acceptable' reason to throw in the towel.

Got my decree nisi in the autumn. And then I ran out of energy and came to a full stop, put it on hold over christmas and just can't get started again. Can't get the energy to get on with the mortgage and the solicitors and handling all the parents etc., and with actually getting him to leave the house. He's being very sorry and being nice again the way he hasn't been for years. Most of all I just can't stand the thought of doing this to the kids. It would be so easy to sink back into a vaguely amicable sexless marriage but part of me is horrified at the thought.

I feel worse now than when I found out. I'm so angry with him, but mostly I just hate myself because I can't make a decision. I can't trust my own judgement. I can't believe how weak I am. I'm irritable with everyone and I just want to sleep and for someone else to decide. I look at myself and I'm scared there's no one there.

I thought I was a better, stronger person than this.

Did anyone else go through a long period of indecision, and how did you get out of it? Please someone tell me that this is normal and that at some point my head will clear!

OP posts:
Whatiwishfor · 14/02/2018 20:58

Sorry i haven't got any advise, my situation is very different, didnt want to read and run though. Are you sure your not feeling a bit depressed and over whelmed by it all?

NameWithChange · 14/02/2018 21:10

Have you had any kind of counselling? Just for you, to help get your head straight?

newmum2018385 · 14/02/2018 21:29

You do sound like your suffering from depression OP. I do think it would be good for you as someone else has suggested to maybe get some counselling.
To me it does sound normal to be so indecisive you have obviously been married for a long time and the effort and upset of a divorce would definitely make you question whether it's worth it.
Not sure how possible this is (don't know how old your child are/work commitments etc) but it sounds like you need a break from everything. Even if it's just for a few weeks just to clear your head.

Choosegopse · 14/02/2018 21:33

It’s because it’s finally becoming a reality and some doubts are part of the process. It’s a hard thing to do so don’t beat yourself up about preferring to coast along for a bit. Think of it as gathering strength for the next stage. Sounds like you could do with a weekend off or a night out.

mommyof3boys · 14/02/2018 21:55

I'm in the same boat. My husband told me in October that he didn't love me anymore and he'd been unhappy for years. He didn't feel any love or affection from me and he'd sought it elsewhere by chatting to another female who is 12 years younger.
He's been seeing her regularly since then but he won't move out of the family home.
We have 3 young children who are 6,4 & 2.
He's having his cake and having it and I know full well what he's up to.
We still live together and even share a bed still.
We've talked about moving things on but he won't accept he's responsible for half of the mortgage.
He says he can't afford to move out.
He's got a decent paid job but his life is easy at the moment isn't it?

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