I don't get how he can just move on so quickly

[Joliv123]

Are men wired differently? 14 years together , relationship ok , argued before Christmas, tried to work things through, he went home to Scotland for Christmas and hooked up with old flame, I found out we finished, following weekend and each weekend after that he's been travelling back to Scotland to see her ( 5 hr drive there 5 hr back ) , I just don't understand how he can just switch off from me and onto her like this ? I'm glad to be honest I now see his true colours

They are (in general) wired differently I think. Men generally do seem to move.on quite quickly.

My ex partner of 10 years went from sleeping with me to having a new guy she is in love with 1 calendar month.

I'm the guy upset, she doesn't see a problem.

Whilst not condoning- if you have emotionally checked out of a relationship well before the actual end, it may not seem like moving on that quickly to the other party.

It's because he/she is a selfish person. Their own needs and wants will always come first and getting these fulfilled is what drives them. It's psychological tunnel vision.

Anyone who hampers this is cast aside as collateral damage.

You'll find this replacement doesn't last so long.

Desperate infatuation.

Lots of effort.

And then reality sets in.

It's too late by then though.

You'll have moved on. Hopefully.

My stbxh said he didn't believe in conventional monogamy relationships, he wanted to be free, didnt want to be defined by being a husband or a farther (after 6 years of ivf to have our children). Was off to find himself, but wanted to remain in the family home but date other people etc etc. Fast forward a few months hes introduced our 2 small children to another woman and her children and moved in with them all a few months later!!!!!
There is no and i mean no emotional attachment or sense of loyalty towards me and tbh little towards his own children.
Its been a very tough year, but im glad that hes gone, hes the most selfish person i have ever met, and i don't want or need that in my life.
Im sorry your hurting xxxx

I don't get it either. Two months after it became clear that our divorce is going to go ahead, I noticed that stbx was having very long, very late night and friendly / affectionate sounding phone conversations. So I am guessing that there is already someone else. Or maybe they have been around for longer?

In any case it makes me feel utterly shit.

So commiserations and FUCK'EM ALL.

What makes me really laugh is all the tricks he used to lure me at the beginning he is using on her, love poems, I can hear him on the phone to her every night saying same things he said to me, he loves her after 5 weeks, she must feel so special , although I know his charms don't last very long, soon he will return to his miserable self sat on his PC . Too tired to do anything and the social aspect which I enjoyed at the beginning , out for drinks ect he says he CBA and has no money