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Struggling to Cope - Wanting a separation and getting a tough time emotionally from husband

2 replies

dolphin198181 · 08/02/2018 10:37

Hi everyone,

I'm really in need of some advice or words of encouragement to get through what is proving to be a difficult time.

I've talked with my husband about having a separation due to his lies about money - spending hundreds of pounds every month for at least the last year. This is not the first time he's done this and, although he is trying to put things right now, we have been here before and it's still happening.

On the one hand, he is very sorry and is putting things right, but on the other hand he justifies what he's doing and he wasn't particular forthcoming with the truth.

I've said about a trial separation that will involve me going to stay with family and eventually getting a flat to live in a new area, while he stays on at his old job.
But....he is using everything he can to resist the separation....

He's threatened to take the children to his parents and that once they hear about what's going on, they'll support him to have them at their house...he tells me I'm not a very strong wife and that I should be able to stick together as a family and see through this 'tough' time.

That I should be able to trust him, 'just wait til my parents hear about this' (they are strict christians).

He says that although he was spending money, (and said he has a mild addiction), at least it wasnt on drugs or alcohol, etc, etc.

He is really getting me down with his behaviour and I cant stop crying each day.

On the one hand, he's sorry but cant see the bigger picture of what he's done...We had dreams to buy a house, to go on holiday together, etc, but all the money we've had he's been blowing it in secret on his hobby and software and bets.

I plan to move out but I have to stay in my job a few more months, but as time goes on, I'm finding this very hard to do as my emotional well-being is starting to suffer, I feel.

If anyone has any advice about how I can manage in this situation for the time being, or any suggestions about what I can do for now or can relate, I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks :(

OP posts:
iamthrough · 08/02/2018 13:46

Hi just to say yes I can completely relate to what you're going through. I think no matter what issues you had as a couple - once you tell your husband you want out things can get messy. You will have a million things running through your head from what to do with the kids to money issues and everything basically.
On top of that your husband will be doing everything in his power to stop you leaving which may include getting nasty.
I don't have many words of wisdom unfortunately as I'm in a similar situation here and have no easy solutions.
Try and take some time to work out what YOU want (for yourself and your kids) and then make a plan to get that to happen - but be prepared for a bumpy road. Good Luck

dementedma · 15/02/2018 20:52

god, almost identical situation here except dcs are older. He has run up gambling debts...saw a solicitor on Wednesday. I have no advice other than to tell you that you are not alone.
i want a divorce, he says he is sorry and I should stand by him...

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