in a similar situation, worn down over the years with long periods of silence from husband, control over money, fell out of love with him due to constant belittling and I put my time and energy into the children, friends and work. all came to a head in October when, after me replacing a broken phone with a new one, he went mad, called me lots of names about how stupid i was etc, and that he would not go on family holiday with me and kids as planned, its their first time away, so after the 2nd time him telling me he wouldn;t go, i booked it for me and kids without him. I am sick of being treated like a muppet in my own home, i have a good career and lots of lovely supportive friends, confused by why my own husband seemed to hate me on sight.
I have complicated matters by getting a bit too friendly with someone else and told my husband when it all kicked off, to emphasie the point that we were passed repair and this was a symptom of that not a cause, it wasn't physical just flirty messages.
Husband had a breakdown and is now on anti depressants. up and down a lot, reasonable one minute as he recognised his behaviour in counselling sessions, how hes treated me etc, then its all my fault, I have wrecked the family and im a selfish B*, because I didnlt give him another chance in october. my point being I have given him a load of chances for years to change his behaviour and go no where to this point where I dont want to try any more.
now has a massive issue with the holiday, its cost £1400 for 4 of us, I dont think thats flashy trip, and has threatened to block me taking the girls away, and shouted abuse at me, wishing i was dead, in front of the kids last weekend, who were all in tears afterwards
I totally appreciate hes not well, but I cant have the kids seeing more of that and with such aggression that I am actually scared of him.( he has never been violent)
I also accept my part in all of this, when is a right time to decide enough is enough, should I have done it sooner, should I have tried harder, when everytime I did ask if he needed help, was he depressed etc I got blanked or told to f off, I am not the most responsible person when it comes to money, as in I like to buy things for kids and other people, I likely socialise too much, I work too much when kids gone to bed. this was largely due in my opinion, from total lack of anything coming from my husband, resulting,i know its unacceptable, with me finding attention elsewhere.
tonight i had an apology for last weeks rant and told I should go on the holiday, swiftly followed by an hour of telling me how bad i am at everything, selfish, irresponsible, and ended with him saying he still wants me to cancel the trip. he refused to go and when we split in october I still invited him to come along even though we wouldnt be together.
It seems we are stuck in this cycle. Should I cancel the trip and likley lose money due to it being budget airline, or should I go as the kids are really looking forward to it and its for them.
I feel like even if i do cancel or postpone it wont make things any easier just makes me still feel powerless and letting the kids down again.
we still live in same house which is awful.
I really worry for the children, I did this so they would have two happy parents living seperately and not the awful tension we had before, and now its just like limbo for us all, as he decided we needed to tell them after xmas, which i am so sorry I didn't standup to him then and say not now, he also walked out on xmas eve for 3 days, no idea where he went but was terrified he would do himself harm, kids were devastated also.
its such a mess. I am now telling all my friends to work at their marriages as, although i hope its not forever, this is an awful place to be.