Loving someone who constantly hurts you

[Heather2505]

Why? Why is it so hard to stop loving someone even though they do nothing but make you unhappy.

If I could make a pill for it u would be a millionaire

:(

This makes me sad. I wish I knew the answer to tell you. Reminds me how long I held a torch for my ex H. Way too long. You love the man you wish he was. Sorry

I agree with adayat.
I've struggled with the same thing. Wasted a lot of years and only just getting out. 😔

I love the man he once was. I think that person is long gone...at least with me.
Imagine...how many years? I do feel like I am totally wasting my life pining over something. The last 18 months have just been a blur of emotions

Sadly decades.

You're not loving a man at all. You're loving the idea of someone - your idea of perfection - and you think you can create that person. You're wrong.

You're living a fantasy of what you think you can achieve and what you think someone could be.

Try to understand that you are not in love with a person at all - you're in love with an unrealistic ideal of what you want love to be.

sorry if this is harsh but I'm hoping that my words might help you start thinking differently.

Ah imagine :( I hope you are feeling better now!

Twitterqueen - it's nothing I haven't heard already.sadly thinking and doing are two very different scenarios.
I think I put all the happy times on a pedestal and nothing in the world can possibly touch it...even though they probably woild if I gave them a chance

I've spent the past 17 years trying to get over my first boyfriend, we were teenagers when we got together, we were inseparable for years. Then he decided after 4 years together that he was too young to settle down and wanted to see other people. We were FWB for a short time after that, until I realised that I was being used and needed to move on, that was when I started dating my H I Married and had DC but I sometimes still thought of and missed ex, over the years as my marriage deteriorated these thoughts became more and more frequent. H and I separated 18 months ago and friendship with Ex was rekindled we would meet up or go out every cpl months etc and would sleep together on these occasions, I found myself starting to think that I might work with him after all, but no, I was still being used as a back up. He has now left the country for work and didn't even say goodbye, which is what really hammered home that I wasn't as important to him as he was to me.
I agree with PP that you are in love with who you want him to be and not the "real" him.
I have spent the past month trying to work out how to get over him once and for all and remembered seeing Dawn French talking about her new book and one of her exercises was to write "that" letter, even if you don't send it.
2 days ago I wrote him a letter, I rambled on for 10 pages about how I felt about him and how his actions made me feel etc.
It was very therapeutic writing it, I haven't decided if I will ever post it or not, nor do I know if it has helped me get over him yet, I do feel like I'm getting there but I've felt like that hundreds of times over the years then something has happened to make me miss him all over again and I realise I still had hope.
So it's probably too early to tell if the letter helped or not, but worth a try maybe? Sorry for the essay

Don't apologise for the essay / it really helps reading other people's experiences - I hope that doesn't seem insensitive. Wow, 17 years is a long time! I hope it doesn't take me that long!
Like you though, something hammered home yesterday that he really doesn't care as much as I do him. He has a new girlfriend for about 6 months - I'm that time he's tolde different things like he still lives me, misses me, at one point I got 'he's fed up with her and going to split', I've slept with him because he's told me he's wanted to sort things out but afterwards found out he's still with this girl. Yesterday I went on Facebook to unblock someone and he is on the block list. He'd changed his profile pic to one of him and her. Now of all the horrible things he has done this one little thing hit me more than anything else. Main reason : because he rarely uses Facebook and in 10 years together he never changed it to me and him. I even asked him at some points and I'd get 'I don't use facebook'. It hurt so much, also because we work together and have mutual work friends so they have all seen it. I rung him (i was so hurt and wasn't rational). He said she made him change it (he can't help but lie it's second nature to him) then he told me he had to go coz she was pulling up and hung up on me. That felt like a kick in the stomach. I have blocked him on everything now. But the having to see him in work is just not what I need. I need a fresh start.
I could try the letter thing - I think it would go on for a looonnnggggg time tho 😂

Haha my letter certainly did, I think part of what had kept me hanging on for so long is that we always remained fairly close friends even throughout my marriage and his various relationships over the years, I completely agree that a clean break would probably help, which was what the letter was hoping to achieve, I haven't yet had the courage to delete his number etc, he no longer has social media as he's recently joined the forces so isn't allowed it.
Working together must be really tough whatever helps you through.

I did it for 15 years. So so stupid.

Now I'm alone and emotionally better off.