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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Please help

25 replies

maybetomorrow4 · 30/01/2018 19:44

Hello , Dh and I are going to split. We have a house in joint names and 2 dd... He is staying in the family home, as I can not afford it, so I will rent locally. I earn approx 14 thousand a year. Custody is going to be joint , so there will be no maintenance.
Does anybody know if I will be entitled to any help, benefits wise? I am confused by the universal credit website as to what they class as assets above 16k ? Does this mean if there is more than 16 in the house , i could not claim anything? ....as my name would still be on the deeds and mortgage of the family home....or do they mean savings as in cash.... I have friends that claim and have above 16 thousand equity in their house...so i am really confused. Thank you I am just trying to work out how much everything is going to cost. Thanks for reading.

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Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 30/01/2018 19:46

I also wanted to ask , in the future when dh meets a new partner and she moves in, does that mean she has any interest in the house? If she makes contributions etc

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Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 30/01/2018 19:51

I need to move fast as he is becoming unbearable to live with.Now in front of the children too,( verbally )

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misscph1973 · 30/01/2018 19:55

Hi, didn't want to read and run, sorry you are going through this. I suggest you contact CAB or perhaps Gingerbread for financial advice. I have just split from STBXH, and I am not entitled to anything as I earn too much. I do get maintenance as DC live with me, we just agreed a reasonable amount based on an online calculator. How much time will your CD spend with you/XH? You will of course get 25% discount on council tax, I got mine approve fairly quickly.

Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 30/01/2018 20:05

Thank you misscph1973. We thought it was best if the time was spent equally, and will also be totally flexible DH and i both agree we will do what is best for them when it comes to that. I earn approx £13700 per year so not sure if that is low enough?

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RockPaperCut · 30/01/2018 20:55

Entitled to website is fab. Input all your information and it should tell you what you may be eligible for. The ooner you apply the better as it can take as long as 6 weeks to process.

NameWithChange · 30/01/2018 21:29

You definitely need to get legal advice because there is property involved. You can get a free initial session with most solicitors - even go to one or two to gain more info if you need.

Seriously, he will be in the family home, with the children. If you own it 50/50 I think you could risk losing that right down the line.

Right down all your facts and figures and run it by a solicitor now.

Good luck Thanks

NameWithChange · 30/01/2018 21:30

*Write down. Doh!

Stella60 · 30/01/2018 21:32

See a solicitor before agreeing to move out of the family home

misscph1973 · 30/01/2018 21:36

Is it a big mortgage? Just wondering if you could get him to buy you out. It doesn't seem fair that you will move out to rent and that he stays in an owned home. At the moment you want to do what's best for the children, and of course it it best to avoid conflict, which I guess is what you are doing by letting him stay in the house and you move out to rent, but will you still feel that this is fair a few years from now?

Don't forget child benefit, who gets that? We agreed to put in in account earmarked for school trips, shoes, birthday presents etc.

Read the section here on MN about separation and divorce, good place to start.

Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 30/01/2018 21:54

Thank you everyone. The mortgage we owe is about 150k and the house is worth approx 300. What you said about doing the best for the children is all I can think about...i asked him about buying me out and he said he could not for two years as we have just switched mortgages. If i apply for benefits do i need to find a house first? as what address would i put ....sorry i cant think straight

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Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 30/01/2018 21:56

Namechange we do own the house 50/50 Could i lose that if i move out?

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Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 30/01/2018 22:24

NameWithChange (sorry)

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JooMooMies · 30/01/2018 23:57

Try not to panic, so much easier said than done I know, but I ended up making myself so worried and anxious about the while UC thing that by the time I went for my interview with them I was a nervous wreck! There was no need, the staff at the job centre were so calm & helpful and because I already worked, most of the online info didn’t actually apply in my situation! You do need to take a few breaths Hun & read up on sites like gingerbread & the gov.uk site to see what you’re entitled to the apply online as much as possible as it will automatically create a paperback trail for you. Good luck xx

NameWithChange · 31/01/2018 00:29

In the divorce the assets will be shared based on contributions made and the needs of the children.

I have just spent 3 years trying to get divorced from a man who fried every dirty trick in the book.

Please ask a solicitor, it won't cost anything for the first appointment and they will advise you what is best to do.

Yes, you could lose money and it could be an awful mess if he moves someone else in. But apart from the money the emotional damage to you and DCs while all the crap goes on is immeasurable.

You just need to get legal advice to get the ball rolling the right way.

Genuinely, the 'right thing' and promises mean nothing at all where money is concerned and/or people with hurt feelings. You need to find the smoothest path out and you need to find that from a solicitor.

Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 31/01/2018 23:37

It is dh that wants to split up, not me. There will be no assets shared. He is basically saying that at the end of the day, the house is only going to the dc anyway,and as i can not afford to live here, he should remain and i should move out. . .if for any reason the house isto be sold in the future. i would like to know if i am still entitled to my half...especially if another woman has moved in. He told me he has no intention of moving anybody in, ever, and would sign in front of a solicitor to say that...not sure if that would stand though.
I honestly thought if my name was on the mortgage and deeds it meant i was safe to walk away from him. I have booked to see a solicitor on Friday....he just seems to really hate me being here and wants me out.

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Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 31/01/2018 23:55

On top of this i also need to sort out a home for me and the children...close by for school , but i do not know what order to do things in...do i see if im entitled to any help first or find somewhere to live first so i have a address to put on the application....i know it sounds really stupid but i am a mess and need someone to tell me what to do. I do not want the house to be sold as i want the girls to remain where i know they are happy etc, so that part i agree on but i still would like to know if i leave, what am i actually giving up in regards to the house.

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Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 01/02/2018 00:02

Dh and i would see the girls equally..my post sounds as though I am walking away which is totally not the case. Only from him. and the house i suppose. It hurts to think of him with another woman here....but i suppose i have to deal with that.

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Original poster
maybetomorrow4 · 01/02/2018 00:08

I think i need to get the house valued and then he should buy me out. He earns much more than I do, so im sure he could find a way.

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RB68 · 01/02/2018 00:18

Sorry but who is he to decide what you can and cant afford, with that sort of salary and more than one child there will be help with childcare, allowances for each child and other things too (prescriptions, dentist, optician etc), . Go and see a solicitor - the best solution is to stay in the house with the kids and let him go sort himself out instead of being utterly selfish. A good solicitor will also be able to point you in the direction of financial advice around benefits etc but be warned getting divorced isn't cheap but you do need financial advice.

NameWithChange · 01/02/2018 00:21

Well done for booking the solicitor.

Write down your questions ready to ask.

Good luck Thanks

misscph1973 · 01/02/2018 10:09

@maybetomorrow4, yes, get the house valued, he should buy you out.

Gingerbread: www.gingerbread.org.uk/ "We provide expert advice, practical support and campaign for single mums and dads"

Whatiwishfor · 01/02/2018 23:13

I may be totally wrong, but i think if you have shared care, it doesnt counteract paying any child maintenance to each other. As maintenance is based on the amount that someone earns ], so if one earns a lot more than the other they will still need to give you more child maintenance than you give him. If that makes any sense at all.
I personally wouldn't move out of the house (and didn't) until you have received legal advise.

baublesnbubbles · 02/02/2018 02:40

Don't leave the house unless for your safety get legal advice ASAP and check re the cm it could be that because he earns more than you he should pay

AnnieAnoniMouse · 02/02/2018 02:53

I know it’s horrible at the moment but you HAVE to stay in the house, with the children for now. Do NOT move out. Suggest he stays elsewhere until it’s sorted.

Do NOT listen to one ounce of the bullshit he’s peddling.

There is a lot that needs sorting, he will just have to wait.

VimFuego101 · 02/02/2018 03:01

I agree, don't leave your house without legal advice. He doesn't get to tell you what the divorce settlement will be. At a minimum you should be entitled to some equity in the house later on, even if he can't buy you out right away.

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