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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Financially irresponsible ex - how do I deal with?

8 replies

happygolulu · 23/01/2018 07:35

Over 10 years ago I divorced and bought out my ex husband on our family home. Amicable split but he ran up a lot of debt after we separated which I paid off as the buy out. We then had a 92/8% split of home in my favour with judge ordering his 8% share remain in our home until youngest child finished uni - she is still in secondary ed so we would have had another 4 years or so, or I married or cohabited for a year or more. I met a new partner who moved in with me in 2014. Ex husband had never been great supporting our children since we divorced with absolute bare minimum in maintenance and no help at all with extras like school equipment, holidays, driving lessons, car... Long story short, my ex husband called in his 8% after my new partner had been living with me more than one year. I had discussed with my partner but he did not want to buy in to the house and told me it was between me and my ex husband only and nothing to do with him. Even his mother told me it was my house and her son should not buy in. I owed my ex husband about £70k but could not raise that amount by myself. Reached agreement with ex husband that I would pay him £46k but that he would forgo payment of any further maintenance for our youngest child through secondary ed and uni (4 more years). My partner came on to the mortgage so we could pay off my ex husband but he refused to contribute any of his own money and told me all of the capital, including the new bit, was all mine to pay off. He would contribute 50% of the mortgage interest only each month. However, partner and I split before Xmas following a series of disagreements including over money and the house - as I always ended up paying the majority of stuff. So I have been left with the new £46k mortgage to pay by myself... Then I get an email from former partner ordering me to buy him a new tv, surround sound system, as I have the tv he bought for us all last year, and he wants x, y and z out of the home (a book, a cap, hair clippers we used on the dog....) He has turned up at my door quite angry wanting this 'stuff'. I have ended up blocking his phone number, email and refuse to open the door to him. I can't bear to see or talk to him. He has been a bully and so has his mother. She has now got him a flat as he had not enough money of his own to put a deposit on one. I do not know how to deal with ex partner now. I'm now servicing an extra £46k mortgage because of him and receiving no further maintenance for my DD with 4 years of education still to go. If former partner makes any more demands on me, what should I do? I am almost living in fear of him knocking at my door demanding something or being threatening.

OP posts:
Daisydukes79 · 23/01/2018 07:42

Honestly, I would give him his stuff and get him completely out of your life. Box it up and tell him it will be on your doorstep at x time on y date and don't answer the door, just let him collect it and leave.

Rainboho · 23/01/2018 07:42

Its your former partner asking for this stuff, as in the one that just lived with you?

Tell him to fuck off and report him for harassment. He was a cocklodger.

MrsBertBibby · 23/01/2018 07:42

Bloody hell did you not seek legal advice at any point in this absolute mess?

You need it now.

Sorry, but that is a right pickle, and there's no point pretending otherwise.

Do not go back to the solicitor who did the divorce settlement. Find someone new.

Pseudousername · 23/01/2018 07:47

I too would just give him the TV and tell him to fuck off. What an absolute twatty man child.

DelphiniumBlue · 23/01/2018 07:57

Why can't he have his stuff? Just hand it over.
I don't quite understand how exp could be on the mortgage but not own part of the house, that's not normally acceptable to lenders.
If he's on the mortgage to your house, that will affect his ability to buy his oiwn place, that could he why his mother has paid for it.
I think you need to get him off your mortgage, and get legal advice.

happygolulu · 23/01/2018 08:05

DelphiniumBlue, I didn't have enough borrowing capacity to keep the existing mortgage AND take on the new £46k so financial advisor recommended partner came on but we have a deed of trust that says house is 99.9% mine and 0.01 partner - suggested by financial advisor. He has never saved, doesn't earn much, so could never get a mortgage in his own right, so his mum has rented a property, not bought. He will likely never be able to buy, at least not in the forseeable future. All the stuff partner has asked for was boxed up and left for him but he didn't turn up for it and also has lost the keys to our garage where some things were stored. He has most of his stuff, just arguing for some petty smaller bits, to make a point I think. I didn't give him TV as he didn't pay me any rent for the last month he lived here and he knows that because I told him such.

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 23/01/2018 09:39

I think this is the point you need legal advice if he is on the mortgage. I hope you protected the money already in the house.

DelphiniumBlue · 23/01/2018 16:59

You definitely need legal advice. From what you say he is now registered as an owner, even if he does only own a tiny percentage. If you wanted to sell in the future, eg to downsize, you would need him to sign all the documents, or get a court order.
Presumably the value of the property has increased since you borrowed the extra money, and maybe your earning capacity has increased? Or could increase?
Could you get in a lodger to help with funds in the short-term?
Otherwise, it might make sense for you to downsize if you can.

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