Do material things really matter

[iamthrough]

Hi There. My DH (of 20+ years) are going through some major issues at the moment - we've been to Relate, We've had a trial separation and are now back in the house for the sake of the kids and trying to make it work. Lots of our family and friends have heard we are having troubles and the same things keep coming up "think of the children" (well yes obviously thinking of them everyday and thinking that we'll hurt them is killing me) but also things like "you have a comfortable life and a nice home together - why are you thinking of throwing all that away" So my question is does all the material stuff really matter?? The kids are obviously a major reason to stick it out - but if we split finances will obviously be a lot tighter than they are now. The kids wont have an endless supply of treats and all the stuff they get now. The houses we end up living in wont be as nice - etc etc So my question to anyone out that who has made it work - is how much do the material things really matter? Does it help the kids grow up? Does it help keep you happy Do all the "extras" make life nicer overall?? I'm not in the least materialistic myself - but opinions will be helpful here.

Hi,
I separated from my partner almost 2 years ago. We had a lovely house and life was far easier than it is now. I moved to a lovely house but had to move a year later and am now in one I wouldn't have normally chose but it's nice. I struggle on my own and as much as I know I made the right decision sometimes I miss the 'normality' and ease of not having to worry in different ways..the stress of us splitting though outweighs that.
Kids adapt, mine struggled but it can work out for the best so long as you're sure. Good luck x

Split from ex 18 months ago and moved to smaller house a year ago. We have shared care although not amicable at all.

Yes, things are tighter but I would do it all over again. Kids initially struggled but are mostly adapted to new life now, and are happy.

Our home, though smaller, has a different feel to it. Not sure I could describe the difference other than to say it's full of love, colours, ease, laughter and just feels more free!

More than anything, dcs are learning one of the most important lessons - change happens, we adapt and we make it work. Another one is that we have to own our own happiness and know our worth. They knew I wasn't happy and that I had to make a choice, which has turned out to be the right one.

We're their role models for what a relationship looks like and what to expect/give. Want them to strive for more than I had with their dad.

Whatever you decide, you'll make it work!

Good luck...x

Agree with every word that Captain said. We have much smaller houses and the kids have given up a lot of material things, but it's well worth it. You're not throwing things away, you are gaining life experience and giving your children strength.

Hi - and thanks everyone for your replies. I think I knew what people were going to say - and I agree. Its just everything is so scary right now - and well meaning peoples comments about throwing my life away are clouding my thoughts.

My husband moved out a year ago, things have and continue to be stressful regarding him and im unsure if im going to have to move out of the family home (going through the courts). But and this is a big but, me and the kids are much happier, i don't have a lot of money but the money i do have i can now choose to spend on the children. The children also see their mum being much happier and that's so much more important than money.