Hi. STBXH and I separated in April - we have 2 DC aged 6 and 11.
The children live with me, and see their dad once a month (by his request)
The monthly visits are not regular - he will not commit to a particular day/time and generally gives me 4/5 days notice of when he wants to see them.
The reason he gives for this is that he gets his shifts one week in advance and works every day - however, when he lived with us he had his rota 6 weeks in advance and had 3 or 4 days off per week plus at least every 3rd or 4th weekend off.
Judging by his declared earnings (for the divorce) he is not working the amount of overtime which he claims to be and is just saying this to avoid making regular arrangements for the children.
Most visits he has the children for about 3 hours - sometimes they stay overnight - but he brings them home at 8am the next morning. If the children have things planned already he expects them to be cancelled.
I realise that I cannot force him to see the children more often, he does work shifts - I accept this, but his employer has always been sympathetic to family needs in the past and I know he has had weekends off for things other than spending time with his children.
AIBU to suggest that he has them every 4th weekend, Friday after school until Saturday evening, and if his only counter proposal is to keep things as they currently stand ie; "As and when he feels like it" am I justified in saying no. It is so unsettling for the children to not know when they will be seeing him.
Any opinions welcome......