Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Sense check re: ex’s access demmands

4 replies

bunsnroses1 · 02/01/2018 12:50

Just wanted to canvass opinions to check if I’m being unreasonable re ex’s access- would appreciate opinions.

Separated 2 years, 2 kids 5 and 10. Ex woRks shifts which change on a weekly basis. I work for myself from home and am happy to be flexible and arrange contact round his work. He frequently changes things, has to be chased for a contact schedule and is a terrible communicatior (which on one occasion resulted in the kids abandoned at school with Noone collecting them).

Things took a turn for the less amicable a few months ago (there were no arguments/incidents that I’m aware of that caused this). Ex said he wanted to go through CSA to calculate his maintenance rather than pay me the amount we agreed on. I paid the £20 fee and made a claim- he’s better off by the grand sum of £10 a month. Since then he’s asked for more overnights (prior to CSA involvement he was having them 7 nights a week), now he wants them 9-12 nights a month. I’m happy for him to see them as much as he can (up to 50:50 access). However, as he finishes work late, he can’t collect them on certain nights ‘til 7pm (or he could send his girlfriend to get them at 6pm). I’ve said no late pickups on school nights- youngest goes to bed at 7/7:30, it’s too disruptive and gives them no extra time with him as they’ll go straight to bed.

Am I being unreasonable? I’m trying so hard to be fair and calm in the face of his increasing hostility, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going anymore- would appreciate a fresh opinion.

OP posts:
bunsnroses1 · 02/01/2018 12:51

*prior to CSA involvement he was having them 7 nights a month, not 7 nights a week!

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 02/01/2018 12:56

So he's trying to cut maintenance by having the kids sleep at his without having to do any of the pesky parenting. Nice.

bunsnroses1 · 02/01/2018 12:59

Exactly! Though when I pointed this out to him he said it was because he wanted to spend more quality time with them Hmm

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 02/01/2018 13:05

On his days he should be picking them up from school. If work does not permit then he will have to find and pay for a childminder like everyone else.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page