So, here goes...... My husband (married for 14yrs) left me in Dec 2015. We have two sons now 11 & 13. Him leaving totally threw me - sounds silly but I didn't realise he was that unhappy, he'd not initiated any major discussions about it prior to leaving.
Anyway, there was no-one else at the time and we pushed ahead with reaching a financial settlement and the divorce. I was very broken for what felt like ages. He started seeing a woman in Dec 2016. I met her as she was spending time with my children. She is the total opposite of me personality/looks. Although hurt that he had moved on I was accepting of it and forged ahead with my own recovery! Was seeing the many positives.
However ........ July this year. Divorce Nisi papers ready to sign, settlement agreed, house about to go on the market, me dating! He decided he wanted to come back! I let him do so far too easily! He ended it with the GF and was back in the house within a week - I was ecstatic!
I had made many changes to 'me' during our time apart but had neglected to consider whether he had put any effort at all into self-reflection. Turns out he hadn't! He came back due to a bruised ego and with the firm held belief that the demise of our marriage had been all my fault. I totally accepted the fact that I brought certain behaviours to the marriage that contributed to it's breakdown. I have suffered depression on and off since becoming a Mum. I managed this myself with therapy and medical help. He does not believe in 'depression' and has never attempted to support me through it. Hasn't acknowledged his failings in this area to date! He is very chauvinistic and holds a high ranking position in his job where he is used to getting his own way.
Anyway, I took him back, he showered me with gifts, told me he was sorry for the 'pause' and that we'd start again. It was bumpy and we had a few heated rows always ending in him saying it was my fault and that I'd 'argue with an empty room'. What I came to understand though was that it was me not agreeing with him that caused the arguments - not me being argumentative. I am fiery and passionate but like most people I don't relish starting arguments!
We lasted 10 weeks! He then announced that pretty much the whole time he's been comparing me to the GF and that he was going back to her! They are far more similar in personality and outlook on life - apparently! So he left!
My struggle and reason for posting on here is that I feel completely broken! It feels like this time he's had an affair - something I didn't have to deal with when he left initially. I feel like an utter failure and petrified of the future - all feelings that I suffered with initially but was beginning to get control over. Had he not come back we would've been divorced by now and myself and the boys would be in a new home.
He is a hands-on Dad and is very much in their lives. He can be bullish and throughout the whole 2yr period has labelled me as the 'unreasonable' one. I used a solicitor to guide me in reaching a settlement - he did not. He has fought against pretty much all that I have asked for - it's been a long and tiring battle.
I am by no means perfect and have not handled it all perfectly at times! But it's been hell on earth and something I hope to never experience again! I was so getting there prior to him coming back and now I have not an ounce of fight left in me to pull up my big girl pants and push on!
I know my situation is far from unique and that there are people going through far worse but I'm at the point where I just need to offload.
Thank you for listening xxx