Emotional neglect

[Lovelyivy]

My husband has always been cold but he is a good guy. He never shows me affection - even jokes and most of the time ignores me when I ask for kiss. We have a child. He pays all the bills but never wants to spend time with us. He does things when I ask him. I ask him to play with his son - he does but never without me asking. I feel horrible as I always "bother" my sister if I can come over to spend time with her family where We have fun and I feel better than home. I feel alone but looking at him I know I love him but feel like we are too different and he will never make me happy. End the marriage? Or stay ?

Hey

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this type of neglect. Actually my sister is going through the same thing. I can tell by just looking at their relationship that they are not meant to be, and she's only with him because he is a good provider and a decent father. But they are completely different people, and he definitely doesn't fill her cup & make her happy. Her reason for staying with him is purely for the sake of the kids, and once the kids are old enough to leave the nest, she said she'll leave him then.

I don't agree with that, because as much as we care and love our children, and want the best for them in every way; it is unfair for us to sacrifice our happiness. Because ask the kids when they're 18, they would've told her to leave him when they were young. And I have a cousin that, this happened to. Anyway .. your happiness in connected to your kids happiness, and surely you'd want them to see you in a happy & secure relationship with love & affection. Maybe try marriage counselling, have a good sit down talk with your husband, and let him know how much it's affecting you & why it's important to you. Try everything you can to make it work.

And hopefully he'll change.. and if not then.. I'm sorry but you shouldn't waste your time with somebody that can't fulfil you. Love gave me false hope for years. But love isn't enough for a successful marriage.

Good luck, and hope everything works out for you.
Xx

Great reply from Mami. I've been in a similar position.

I am wondering why he shows you no affection. Do you think this is just how he is (is this how he's always been?). Is he unhappy about something? Could there be something that he feels resentful about that he is not telling you that is making him behave like this? For example, does he resent in some way the new dynamic that having a child has had? Or maybe if your sex life has diminished could it be that, etc.

The only way you'll find out is by talking to him with honesty. Ask him if he's happy. Ask him if there is anything he feels resentful about.

Tell him how he behaviour towards you is making you feel. Tell him that you're not sure you want to be in a relationship like this.

I agree you must try everything to make it work (you have nothing to lose by trying). You can still do all of that and then decide to split up but it's very difficult to split and then change your mind.

Best of luck.

Thank you for comments - very helpful. Today he supposed to babysit our baby and didn't come home-didn't even pick up his phone (I called like 20times). I got so depressed because I didn't have a day off in a loooong time. It looks like he just doesn't care