To all the survivors...

[whatnextfred]

Happy Christmas! This time last year was the worst. Now XDH cheated in Oct and I threw him out. 13 years, 3dc, had given up career and moved country to be with him and raise dc.... I cried all Xmas day last year which we spent together for the sake of dc. I almost slept with him Xmas eve. I saw a video of the OW by accident on Xmas which was very very detailed and intimate.... threw up, spent night having panic attacks - you get the picture.

This year I’m in my new house with my new bf who is great. Dc due in an hour. Have had a great morning. Almost one semester done of a Masters I started in Sept.... life is back on track and more, much more.

To anyone hanging in there this year, hold on. It does and will get better xx

More of his antics. But on the plus side after one evening of rage I’m over it. I’m becoming more resilient. Still wishing he may be hit by a bus though....

I am 8yrs done the line, still wish mine dead for everything he put me through.

Day at a time lovely

It’s so hard, you’re basically grieving for the future and life you thought you had. And that you thought you were bringing DC into - I wouldn’t have chosen to be a divorced mum but here we are.

The finalisation of the divorce will make you mourn the loss. It is a stage and you will get over it. As time has gone on I have completely detached from my ex. A turning point was realising I couldn’t control what he did with the DC, so there was no point in stressing about his care of them. Since I have realised that I have absolutely no input into his life, things have been so much easier as there is no point worrying/arguing over things.

Thanks confused. I feel once the divorce is final I can shut a door on so much. That’s the hope anyway

Hi to all going through or have been through this! I need some advice! We've been separated for nearly two years so I am going to file for divorce soon. We have 3 children and my ex is insisting on coming on holiday with us at Easter. It is a holiday that we did as a family for 10 years with friends and I continued without him last year. I have booked and paid for it and now he says he is coming and I can't stop him. He also says that I can't take the kids on a holiday that I have already booked in the Summer (which he previously ok'd) as he wants those weeks (he hasn't booked it yet!!). Can he do this? Can he force to come on my holiday to cornwall at Easter and can he stop me taking them away in the Summer? I haven't stopped him taking them away separately - he has another week at Easter and 4 other weeks in the Summer to choose from!!

I also don't trust him with money - he is a high earner but hides money!!

I don't know where i stand and need some advice.

Thanks in advance x

Hi jo
I saw your post before but wasn’t sure what to advise. It sounds like after the initial upheaval he is clinging on to the way things were. It is unfair of him but going through a range of emotions here I know how difficult holidays are when you’re single. I would go ahead with your week in the summer and say no but I know how hard these things are, but maybe there are ground rules that could be set down in the divorce process. Hope you’ve had some advice or been able to resolve things by now.
Try and focus him on the children and them being able to carry on a good relationship with both of you.

I’m sad today. It’s dds birthday. He’s thrown away so much.

Whatnextfred, how are you? Just shows this crap hits you when you least expect it and the rollercoaster is huge. I've had a rubbish couple of days but feel ok today. Who knows how long it will last X

Hey Winter!

I'm good. My divorce absolute came through last Friday. I feel clearer since. Less bitter. It's so hard intermittently though x

That's an ending and a beginning! Hopefully means you can move on. Here's to new beginnings and more good times than bad X

Yep I'm making a real effort not to be angry or bitter. We will see how long it lasts

How's everyone doing?

Hi whatnextfred, rubbish at the moment, can't stop thinking about them together and everyone accepting them. It makes me angry, sad, bitter. I hate what it's doing to me. I'm not this person. I want to be the normal, light hearted me. I thought it might get better further on. And it does in a way, I'm better in myself, not crying, going out etc but it is the thought that he's with that woman and that its all becoming normal for them. Sorry rant over X hope you're ok

Today is my birthday. So nice not having him around to upset and disappoint as he invariably did every year

I'm two and a half years down the road to recovery now. Covert narc ex only showed his true colours in the last 18 months of the marriage (and was also trying to cover severe issues with drink). Breakup was horrendous; he had an affair with a "friend" of mine and I threw him out. He then had the nerve to divorce me for my unreasonable behaviour as I had "forced" him to have an affair.

Met new OH 16 months ago and he is a domestic abuse survivor and the loveliest person I could have hoped to meet. We both put each other first and my only regret is that I wish I'd met him years ago.

*Whatnextfred Happy birthday!! Hope you've had a good day X I'm waiting for the day I'm no longer hurt by communication with him. Nearly a year now.
Blueangel1 - I llovr good news stories, it gives hope. How do you meet someone? I look at my future and wonder how you meet someone. Bit too early for me but I'm determined To be positive. X

@wintersnow17 I actually met current OH on a dating site! I went there without any expectations at all and he appeared. He was by far the most interesting and unusual person who contacted me. So there is hope!

And he's back to driving me fucking mad again

Winter - I totally understand re the hurt of people accepting them and thinking of them together. It does burn like nothing else. Hugs xx