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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Need to vent!

7 replies

Moocow72 · 24/12/2017 20:26

Sorry about this post but just need to get some stuff off my chest.

Basically dh has got a rental place a few days ago and plan is to tell kids about our separation on 27th.

He has been at his new place for last couple of days and we agreed he would come back today and tomorrow and attempt a "normal" Christmas.

Yet he's arrived back today at 4.30 and is pretty much behaving as if nothing is going on, I understand the kids don't know but I don't know I just thought he would be on his best behaviour if you like.

We always watch Elf on Christmas Eve and have just done that with our youngest (age 11). Eldest stayed in his room (age 16) which is nothing unusual really. Yet dh turns up with a bottle and a half of wine and proceeds to sit there and drink it all as if he hasn't got a care in the world.

Meanwhile im sat trying to behave as if nothing is wrong but worrying about how I get through visiting the inlaws tomorrow and keeping up the pretence, and literally counting the hours until everything can be out in the open.

What makes me even more amazed is allegedly he drinks too much because he was unhappy in our marriage. So what's the excuse now ? I know it's Christmas Eve and I don't have a problem with a couple of drinks but he just seems to be acting how he always would (which allegedly was because he was so unhappy).

I guess it may change once the kids know, but I just expected something different and him to make more of an effort.

Rant over - not expecting any reply really and perhaps I'm being unreasonable. Im now hiding away in my bedroom with the iPad as kids are both in their rooms. Can't honestly see how I can go to the inlaws tomorrow (we're just visiting then coming back home for Christmas lunch)as keeping up this pretence is just so hard I literally feel sick.

Hope things are going better for everyone else !!

OP posts:
user1490395938 · 24/12/2017 20:34

Hello, didn't want to read and run but have no advice as such I'm sorry! I do hope you can enjoy your day tomorrow with your children in spite of everything going on.

Weezol · 24/12/2017 20:42

I would just take his behaviour as a sign that you are absolutely right to be separating. If this is how he is normally and you're faking a normal Christmas I'm not sure what you were expecting.
In 24 hours it will all be over - take some time out, as you are now, whenever you need to and you will get through it.

Moocow72 · 24/12/2017 20:54

Hi - yes you're right, this is how things would have been if we hadn't agreed to separate and as the kids don't know yet I suppose it was unrealistic of me to think anything would be different.

I think it's just the stress building up over the last few weeks, in just over 48 hours the kids and family will know so hopefully that will be a turning point and we can move on.

Thanks both of you

OP posts:
Ivyholly · 24/12/2017 21:03

I'm sorry he's making you feel like this. We plan (more I than we as I think he thought I wouldn't go through with it) to tell the children mid Jan (one of ours has a birthday early Jan) and its a rollercoaster of him being lovely and so sadness that our marriage is over, and anger that he's blaming it all on me and being silent and sulky.

It's good that you have a date to move to the next stage in this, and I'm sure there will be others of us on here tomorrow, venting and happy to be vented to so I hope you find some support.

It is So hard to do, pretending things are normal when you are screaming inside. I'm focusing on as many little nice things as I can ( silly TV, giving the kids their presents, a G&T or 3 etc) to help me get through

xx

Moocow72 · 25/12/2017 17:33

Thanks all for the support. The day has been much better than I was expecting.

A couple more days and I will be heading into my new life.

Hope everyone else is going ok x

OP posts:
Weezol · 25/12/2017 18:00

Glad to hear it and bloody well done you. Once you've told everyone, look after yourself - after running on adrenaline for so long you will probably be very tired. Much Brew and Cake should be consumed.

Moocow72 · 26/12/2017 10:00

Oooo Brew and Cake !! I don't need telling twice Smile Plus I've lost nearly a stone in the last few weeks so i can afford some extra calories!

Yes I am a bit concerned about how I'll feel once all this is out in the open and it becomes "real". But the way I look at it, five weeks ago I was a sobbing wreck and yet me and dh actually sat yesterday and discussed which curtains he was going to buy for his rental place and also advice on some other things - yes, admittedly it did feel strange but I didn't feel really upset at the prospect of him building a new nest.

Life is strange, time for me to move onto the new "normal".

Love and hugs to all xx

OP posts:
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