After about five years of being unhappy with our relationship and living in a separate bedroom, I think my partner has finally agreed to a separation. Previously he refused to discuss it. I feel relieved and terrified in equal measures.
We have four dc: DS1 14, DS2 11, DS3 9 & DD 9. My eldest son has Aspergers and my other boys are on the spectrum but still in assessment stage. The boys are challenging and it has gotten to the point that all 4 kids together is almost unmanageable. So DP & I are both quite concerned how to deal with this singly. We both struggle with panic attacks due to the kids behaviour - I’m not blaming the kids, but we have them as a response to the behaviour. Dd is well-behaved, the boys are a nightmare. Bedtime alone can be a 2 hour marathon.
So aside from finances etc, we don’t even know where to start with child arrangements. Dp suggests splitting them which I thoroughly disagree with as a) it will harm the kids’ relationships with each other and b) neither of us will ever have children-free time.
DP is self employed and works from home although he frequently has to work away or late. I am freelance from home about 20 hours a week.
I am desperate to stop pretending that we’re togther and that I love him anymore. He’s a good guy, hasn’t done anything wrong, no affairs on either side but 19 years later it’s dead. I am in no rush and want not to f*ck things up for our kids. Advice please??