Help husband cheated what do I do

[Jess1984]

What the hell do I do? What are my rights? I kicked him out but I don’t know if I can do that. We have two young children I don’t want him here. It’s over as far as I’m concerned.

I'm so sorry that he has done that.

I have no legal knowledge so can't help on that. Do you have family that can come over just so you have some one to rant at?

Sending you a hug x

I'm really sorry to hear this Jess, I despair at men sometimes I really do. Why can't they be happy with what they've got.

Anyway, with regard to legal rights, the starting point is 50/50 shared care and 50/50 asset division.

Have you thought about this at all ? How recent is the break up, is it still raw?

Hello jess I’m really sorry that this has happened to you. I am in a similar situation so understand how hard it is and how at first you are acting in shock.

The best thing you can do is get some initial legal advice - it might be tricky pre Christmas but at least get an appointment in for the New Year. Most solicitors will do an initial consultation - this helps you understand the situation and, if they are good, will also give you some steps to take.

Legally he is entitled to be in the house - so you should do anything like change the locks. The starting assumption on divorce is 50/50 for both the assets and the children. Each particular situation is then looked at however and the needs of each partner and the children are assessed.

Please try not to panic as all this will take time to sort through.

The most important thing I did was tell a couple of close friends. I also told my boss at work. This has helped me enormously. If there is someone you can confide in then please do try and get some support. I have also posted here a couple of times when very down and have received amazing support. Others kindness has really touched me and given me hope.

What you do next is really somewhat dependant on how you are and what you are thinking about the future. You are probably in shock at the moment. My husband wants to end our marriage so I know that is what I am looking at ( as opposed to say trying to save the marriage)

I found it helpful to make a practical list and try and work through it. So I began to get the best handle I could on the household expenses, incomes, savings, pensions etc - for me this is partly with the aim of seeing if I could stay in the marital home for a while with him renting. I got legal advice. I began to take copies of key documents. It may be too early for you to do this but I changed my will and my elections at work for my pensions so it went to my DCs. I saw a mortgage adviser just to work out how much I could potentially get, then looked at local prices to understand what I was facing (I know we will have to sell the house). I’ve also looked into childcare as I won’t be able to continue my current arrangement long term.

One piece of advice I got which I have found helpful is try and identify the key things that are important to you. Be prepared you may not get them and will have to flex but have in mind what is important to you.

Good luck and to you. Wishing you lots of strength.

Sorry shouldntchange the locks

Thank you so much for the replies everyone.

So I found out Thursday night and kicked him out then. He wants to come home, he’s been in tears on the phone all the cliche didn’t know what I had until it was gone stuff. I don’t think that I can get past this, I think I will always throw it back in his face, I can’t bear to see him right now. Despite how angry and sad I am I feel really sad for him too. I know he feels sorry and he is in pain. He’s not reaching out to anyone like family for support but I have tried to get him to because I can’t be that support anymore.

We have two children 4 and 1. To be honest he did little with them when he was here anyway so I feel like 50/50 isn’t the right split for us but I guess we will cross that bridge.

I need to find somewhere to live I know we will need to sell our house. I only have a fixed term post so I won’t be able to get a mortgage so will have to rent. I have just applied for primary school for my daughter based on our current address and now feel like I need to decide fast what I am going to do as I might need to change that.

Money wise I have no clue. I work 30 hours at the moment so I don’t know if I will be better dropping my hours as I might be eligible for benefits? Only thing I have ever had is child benefit so clueless about all of this stuff. This is all such a bloody mess.

I don’t know how to tell my 4 year old, she thinks daddy has just been working

I’m sorry you are going through this too @Ilovecrumpets

Thank you Jess my DC are also little (5 and just 3) so I know how much it hurts thinking of how to tell them. Please try not to panic about the 50/50 - easier said than done I know. He may not even ask for that.

I do understand your panic about wanting to get everything sorted - I was the same, I think because it makes me feel a little bit more in control. Please do try to take a step back and not rush into things - find out information as that gives you the grounding for then making decisions.

I hope you have someone you can talk to in RL.

Ps I know what you mean about feeling sad for him - I feel that too sometimes, the feelings are so complex but you are right to ask him to look to others. Please put yourself and your childrens’ needs first, he made this choice.

I can relate to it all. I found out 2 weeks ago my husband was having and affair and kicked him out.We had been together for 15 years. Have had lots of tears since. We have a 6yo. We told him Friday and he was upset that night and in shock but has been ok since. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do!! I have the same situation with the house. We got a mortgage 2 years ago and due to remortgage in a few months. I don't know if I can get the house on my own wage. My family all live 3 hours away. It's so hard even when ex is involved with son. He thought he was working all the time too!!!

There are some practical things that you can do now. Apply for a reduction in council tax, look at child tax credits, I get about £200 a month on a reasonable salary, Google and you can see what you are entitled to.

@Amaz24 I’m so sorry you are going through this too. Had such a bad day yesterday, he came over to talk and he was hysterical in tears. I told him it was over and he ran to the kitchen and tried to stab himself with a knife. Luckily he had a thick coat on and it didn’t do anything but it was terrifying he lost it and he blocked himself in our bedroom.

I feel so sad and now I feel like the bad guy. His family are pressuring me, he is pressuring me. My family have been supportive so I feel lucky. I don’t want to back down because I feel the trust is gone but I just hope I’m strong enough to stand my ground. Its all just so awful

I should have said the kids weren’t in, my sister had them thank god.

Thank you @Tearsofthemushroom I will have a look now

Oh dear!!!!! It's so hard but have to do what it best for our own health.
I can't spend time wondering where he is or who he is with.
Although think I will be with him Christmas Day for little one. Not looking forward to it. I hate everyone who is happy at the min as my world is falling apart!