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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

in need of a bit of moral support

4 replies

happygolulu · 13/12/2017 20:29

I posted a while back. My partner and I split up in October after 5 years. I had been through 4 difficult years losing my mum, then my father having parkinsons, my son going through degree, my daughter GCSE's, single mum, and running my own business. My partner lived with me and my DC in house I own. Long story short, October was my mum's 4th anniversary which I have always struggled with since losing her. She had a very aggressive cancer 4 months from diagnosis to death and I nursed her at home in final weeks. So the anniversary is a series of very painful days (of almost 3 weeks really) not just a one day thing. My business has gone well this year and I told my partner I was going to invest in the home this year - a new kitchen and office for us both. Instead of feeling sad on mum's anniversary I told him I wanted to look forward and move forward, that I felt ready for new things. Well, his reaction was not what I expected and he almost seemed to resent me for it. Over a series of days/weeks we had nothing but arguments about it - he told me what do I know about kitchens (he is a tradesman) and I'm not. I have owned properties and put in kitchen/bathrooms before now... I ended up begging him to be supportive in this venture (which I was paying for). We fell out over it big time and one day he stormed off to pay golf with his cousins. We were due out that evening with his mother at 7pm for his birthday dinner she had arranged for him (mummy's boy). Well, he didn't arrive home by 6.50 so I texted his mum not to worry about picking us up, but to go straight there and I would wait for him and bring him to the meal. Half an hour later he still wasn't back. We were then almost half an hour late. He had not called me to say where he was or anything. I could have called him but didn't as he was so rude to me before leaving for golf, telling me where to stick my f-ing kitchen, I just waited for him. As it was half an hour late, I felt terribly hurt and upset and cried so much I could no longer face the meal and instead took the dog for a walk and thought f-him. As it happens he arrived home shortly after, changed and went to the meal by himself. Given it was my mum's anniversary at this time and his horrible attitude towards me, I couldn't face him or his family for dinner that night and pretend all was well. Anyway, the next day our relationship ended, it was his birthday and his family basically all cut me off for not turning up to his meal. He moved out, back to his parents a day later. No one from his family has ever called or asked what happened. They also know that last year we had a problem as he was drinking heavily on nights out and taking cocaine. They knew it but no one offered me any support. I have a tiny family and couldn't confide so shared with my friends who said his behaviour was selfish and unreasonable. The reason I am writing is that I have also lost contact with a lot of our mutual friends since this happened and it has really hurt me, I am struggling. I had such a difficult time with my parents illnesses I was only beginning to come out of the other side and I feel all these people have judged me on one thing, not turning up for a bloody meal when I have been a good woman, daughter etc. I am mum to 2 grown up DC but miss my parents so much and having them to talk to at this time. I am digging deep but long for some moral support.

OP posts:
Blossom5 · 13/12/2017 22:18

Hi I totally get it i lose my dad this year and now getting a divorce after 10 years and 5 children it's the single worse thing in the world and each day is killing me. You will be ok we have to be and maybe in a year's time this time won't look so bad ?

JooMooMies · 26/12/2017 18:12

Hi, it’s been a couple of weeks since your post. Just wanted to ask if you’re ok? X

happygolulu · 27/12/2017 12:57

JooMooMies that's so kind of you to ask. Yes am doing ok. Holding up, digging deep, appreciating what dear mature children I have who made Xmas so lovely for me. Have used the time by myself to strengthen myself, appreciate who I am, value what I stand for and just enjoy my own company. I have also listened with interest to some talks by Eckhart Tolle (the power of now) which I thoroughly recommend to anyone who has been having a difficult time. Thank you again xx

OP posts:
JooMooMies · 27/12/2017 23:25

That’s good to hear. All the best x

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