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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Should I change surname after divorce?

24 replies

CurlsLDN · 12/12/2017 20:02

Hello, I am in the middle of a divorce.

I would like to change back to my maiden name, as I always preferred it, and I feel strongly part of my family, whereas I feel like I want nothing to do with him and his!

However, I have a 3.5 year old ds. I am not considering changing his name, he is still my STBHs son and the divorce doesn’t change that. Plus he is very proud of his name!

I don’t like the thought of having a different surname to him, and I think it can cause some admin issues in the future?

This is very much a heart or head decision! Could you tell me the pros or cons of changing your name after divorce and having a different name to your child?

Or has anyone kept their married name on paper, but gone by the maiden name in real life?

OP posts:

sunflowers4 · 12/12/2017 20:23

I'm in same situation! Really tempted to keep my married name so I can have the same name as my DS though! Will be interested to see people's experiences on this

vilamoura2003 · 12/12/2017 20:41

I would want the same surname as my child.

ZoWeeee · 12/12/2017 20:44

I kept my married name. We have kids, so the same name thing is a factor.
I have used Ms. on some papers but it just doesn't look right to me so I'm not changing anything else from Mrs now

TheSameCoin · 12/12/2017 20:45

I wanted to change back to my maiden name after divorce. I never felt like my married name was really ‘my’ name either. But I also felt strongly that I wanted to have the same name as my children. So I did a sort of compromise. I am known Ms MaidenName on social media and at work but I am still officially Mrs MarriedName and my married name appears on all official paperwork. It works well enough.

Sistersofmercy101 · 12/12/2017 20:46

Would you consider double barrelling YOUR name, adding your maiden name to your married name with a hyphen? That way you have your name and your son's name? :)

Original poster

CurlsLDN · 12/12/2017 22:19

I Would love to double barrel but unfortunately our names don’t work well together.

thesamecoin that’s how I was thinking of doing it, so people would know me as curls maidenname, but on my passport, banks etc I would still be curls MarriedName.
Does that cause you any difficulties?

OP posts:

SleepIsForTheWeek · 12/12/2017 22:44

I've gone back to my maiden name but no DC. It's a PITA changing your name back, am sure it was easier doing it into my married name. I change my surname but everyone wants to call me Mrs Sleep. That's my mum!

ChangingStates · 12/12/2017 22:48

Keeping my married name as we have kids and want the same as them, double barrelling my maiden & married would be awful!

BrokenHollandaise · 13/12/2017 15:47

I wanted to go back to my maiden name but couldn't afford to change my passport which means I had to apply for a job in my old married name. So I'm not happy.

My daughter has dp surname and I'm very gutted I won't have the same surname as her and I'm still having to use the wankers surname.

My daughter is not my ex husbands.

haya130 · 13/12/2017 16:07

I changed my name before my divorce was even finalised - to be honest best thing I ever did.

My DD doesn't have his name either anymore so we both share the same last name. (DV issues etc.)

However this does cause issues sometimes with places like banks as her birth certificate doesn't have the same last name on it for me and her. However it can all be sorted with the relevant paperwork and explanations if required.

Starlight2345 · 13/12/2017 16:09

I kept mine as wanted same surname as ds

HeadDreamer · 13/12/2017 16:11

I don’t like the thought of having a different surname to him, and I think it can cause some admin issues in the future?

There is no admin issues. I don't have the same surname as my children and I never have anyone thinking I'm not their mum. I do get letters from school addressing me with their names, but that's ok, and probably very common with all the blended families nowadays.

You should simply based your decision on how you feel.

And tbh, having the same surname isn't a very strong one. I've seen many women who say that, but a few years later, they remarry, and change their name to be different from their children anyway.

NaiceBiscuits · 13/12/2017 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadDreamer · 13/12/2017 16:16

having a different name to your child?

I mean honestly, ask yourself. If you remarry, would you keep your XH name or use your new DH one? I doubt many would say I must have the same name as my children. And then how about the new children? Would they have the same name as your XH too?

Mxyzptlk · 13/12/2017 16:16

I've seen many women who say that, but a few years later, they remarry, and change their name to be different from their children anyway.

Exactly that!

Take charge of what you want your own name to be, instead of letting it be decided by all sorts of other people and circumstances.

Karigan1 · 13/12/2017 16:26

Well I got quizzed by immigration as to whether I was actually my sons mother in front of him at the passport desk. Whilst I had the flu too so frankly the woman is lucky I didn't kill her.

You can get a court order to amend sons name if you go down that route. I have done this and now its double barrelled. I have the court order just need to fill in the deed poll change of name then I can do passport.

Mxyzptlk · 13/12/2017 17:47

My DS got quizzed at passport control when travelling with his DS. Both of them have the same surname.

TheSameCoin · 13/12/2017 19:55

No OP it hasn’t caused any difficulties. Once HR got their head around the idea that the name I was known by wasn’t my ‘official’ name it was fine. As a compromise, it works well for me.

tonga · 21/12/2017 15:45

I just gone on with the admin and changed my name back to maiden name. I'm 39 so hoping to be around a lot longer with this name. The children (5 and 7) understand and don't bat an eyelid. I carry copies of birth certs and decree nisi with me when I travel. I keep them tucked in passport all the time so it's no hassle. No way I want to be know as Mrs X any longer :)

tonga · 21/12/2017 16:01

decree absolute...

mummyretired · 21/12/2017 17:48

I had a different surname to my DCs when they were at school due to subsequent marriage, there were no admin issues although teachers would occasionally get my name wrong.

I changed it back after divorce, we are now all the same and I feel much better not having XH's surname. It wasn't a difficult process.

Stella60 · 21/12/2017 17:53

I'm planning to keep mine to be the same as my DCs. I don't feel obliged to, but I'm happy with that choice at the moment.

zsazsajuju · 21/12/2017 17:58

I am not trying to be judgemental but this is exactly why I am so glad I didn't change my name in the first place (and insisted on double barrelling my dc). My name is my name (its a boring name and my father is not a good guy but its still my name). I am not changing it no matter who I marry.

LittleCandle · 21/12/2017 18:03

I changed back to my maiden name, but it is more easily done in Scotland. I had debated doing it at once, but didn't and it was only a final piece of twattery on his behalf this year that jolted me into doing it. Both my DC are adults and DD2 changed her surname when he left (to something different from my maiden name) and got a new birth certificate, too. DD1 still has his name, but she regrets not giving DGD her surname instead of the dick she was with at the time.

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