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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Ex H in prison - anyone been through this before?

8 replies

Flapjacksmad · 12/12/2017 15:38

Hi, am just wondering if anyone has been through this before and would be able to offer any info / advise... My ex h left me and our 2 dd's 6 years ago. He had an affair with a friend of mine and they married. Our divorce was quick as i just wanted to be done with it but not amicable and all along I have been painted by him as the bitter ex - a lot of people have believed this without bothering to check facts / our dd's have also been fed this rubbish. In fact, my life has turned out very well, have a lovely suportive boyfrind now, and dd's are doing really well at school and both have lovely friends etc! I have always been keen that our dd's have a healthy relationship with their dad and have never hindered contact. He took me to Court a year ago because "he was not getting enough contact" and also wanted me to drive half the distance each time (100m for me) eventhough he moved away. It was obvious to me that he was trying to control me and our dd's but all he had to say to anyone was that he went off with my friend and of course I am "bitter, trying to do everything to make his life difficult". Then... 3 months ago... he was arrested for a crime of a sexual nature with an underage girl! His crime does not directly involve my dd's (as far as I know), they are the same age as the girl involved. He is now in prison until summer 2019. He has already written dd's letters, descibing in great detail what it's like there, how he is so sorry, that "we will all get through this", but they don't need to be reading all this. He has never really done anything for them or put their interests first and I would relly like to stop all contact now - they ned to be cncentrating on their school work, notworrying about their dad who has brough all this on himself. What is the best way of going about this? Should I spend more money on a court order , only for him to contend it in 2 years time when he comes out? Will the prison be able to stop him writing? Will my dd's be upset later in life when they find out I have hindered the contact? Any info / opinions on this greatly welcome. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 12/12/2017 18:49

I guess the first question is: how old are your daughters, and what do they know about what he did? And how do they feel about it? Do they miss him?

Hawkmoth · 12/12/2017 18:52

Contact social services and ask them. Probably his parole officer will be in touch in time but I'm surprised nobody has asked to talk to you or the girls already.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 12/12/2017 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MillennialFalcon · 12/12/2017 18:56

I am also surprised social services have not been in touch to assess the risk that would be posed to your DD by contact with their father, given that he has abused a girl their age.

Zisterhood · 12/12/2017 18:57

I too am surprised that the police or ss haven't been in touch with you. He won't be allowed unsupervised access to his dc I would expect and he'll go on the so register.

I'm sorry I can't advise what's best as far as your dc are concerned.

Hulder · 12/12/2017 18:58

Contact social services and the prison. His contact should be risk assessed in the light of his offences and that it is now clear he has a tendency to manipulate and control.

Starlight2345 · 12/12/2017 19:00

Yes approach SS..

how old are the children?

Ledehe · 12/12/2017 19:01

Firstly your daughters won't be involved of you would have known already.

I'm also surprised social work haven't been in contact with you.

He'll be on the sex offenders register so he won't get unsupervised contact with your girls and no contact at all unless you agree to it

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