Christmas

[Ivyholly]

Dh and I are separating after Christmas. In September I found out he was sleeping with other people from April-when I found out and although I've tried (counselling, lots of trying to talk to him) I cannot move on from this. We will tell the kids in the new year. In the meantime Christmas is doing my head in. Bloody happy people everywhere, snuggly jingly ads on TV, selection packs and mince pies every time I walk in the supermarket. I am not in a happy place and making an effort for the kids, on top of making an effort to not let them realise the shit that's going on with dh, is just exhausting. Anyone else struggling with the festive season?

I would urge you to think about telling the children ASAP.

I am 15 months post split. 3 months post divorce. So I’ve had one Christmas as a single mum.

The Christmas before we split - bloody awful. I was unhappy. Christmas post split - wonderful.

Admittedly ex and I do get on, and there’s so third party, so no doubt makes a big difference.

But gritting your teeth and getting through Christmas is not going to be a happy experience for anyone.

In retrospect, I would also advise against waiting until after Christmas. I think that the waiting game is painful, and just as bad as the split itself often. The limbo is weird and unsettling.

Obviously, Christmas Eve would be a bad day! But today or tomorrow...

On a practical note also, family solicitors are really busy from early Jan. Whatever you decide re the children, try to get an initial appointment asap.

moocow and crumpets thanks so much for the kind words, they mean a lot. rachel I know that bloody pressure of making memories but in retrospect the spin I was trying to put on things didn't help for us it prolonged the misery. What's amazed me is how both dcs asked me to end it and how they really don't want to see their dad. I hung in for ages in the mistaken belief I was doing the right thing for everyone. It was such a mistake.

Hello hope you don't mind me joining. I've known for a few months about DHs affair and continued relationship. We are living together until we sell the house. It has been really hard knowing he's with someone else - he refuses to move until we sell. We avoid each other as much as poss. I am much stronger than at the start and it does get better, but I wonder if they realise how much we put up with to make this easier for everyone around us - they clearly have no such scruples. AIBU to expect him not to introduce her to his family- it seems really heartless when we are still having to live in the same house? Is this indecent or what do you think? Am I being unreasonable? IT IS so sad to think of last Christmas In the house. My heart goes out to everyone. Anger is the best emotion although I'm more balanced now so it does get better over time. There is hope, but it suddenly floods back and leads to tears. I understand tears in the supermarket , the smallest thing or memory sets you off X
Sadly it helps knowing there's people on here to talk to who have been through the same situation. X

I was out shopping yesterday and nearly cried at all the happy couples, just eating together, drinking together, laughing and talking and just generally being together. Whilst I was there carrying all my shopping on my own. Freezing cold. It will be the first single year, but I have plans to be with family at Christmas itself. Have most of the Christmas shopping done so am hoping to avoid the joyful public for the next two weeks.

It's a difficult time, isn't it? We told our DC (10 and 12) about 6 weeks ago and we are both looking for new rentals in the new year. No infidelity here (as far as I know), just a rubbish relationship that I finally gave up on.

Look after yourselves. Get exercise, eat good food, and stay off the alcohol at least during the week. I can tell if I haven't been exercising, then all the dark thoughts flood in.

I saw this on FB: "If you are going through hell, keep walking."

Also really work on the positive thinking. Every night write down 3 positive things from your day (anything! Like you enjoyed your coffee, the train wasn't late, DC did well in a test etc.), and after about a month, you will be thinking more positively as a habit, and it really does make a difference.

Remember you are all adults, and people before you have survived this and come out stronger on the other side. You will get through this!

If any of you can afford it, get counselling. It does help.

I do the writing things down every day and it really helps! I highly recommend it.
x

Also avoid going to the shops if it upsets you. I mainly buy my presents online, it's much easier and less traumatic.

I think also it helps to put things in perspective. Many families are homeless, can't afford presents let alone a Christmas meal. We may be unhappy, but it could be so much worse. Consider donating or volunteering to help others who are worse off.

Can I join in? Told crazymaking EA husband a couple of months ago that I wanted a divorce. I was planning to move out and rent a flat, but now he has decided he wants me to stay in the house and he will come off the mortgage and move out. Which is a good long-term plan, but it means having to live in the hellish limbo that is living together while separating for a couple of months more at least.

I normally love Christmas but this year will be awful. Going to try to avoid him as much as possible, write down positive thoughts, text with my family as much as I can, and hide myself in my bedroom in the evenings listening to the radio and crafting.

Hi CousingKrispy, sorry to hear you are in the same boat. Your plans sound good, its good to be prepared! I have lots of good TV lined up to watch on my tablet in my bedroom.