I know my marriage is over. So sad.

[Ivyholly]

Dh has beem unfaithful and our marriage is over. I've spent weeks trying to see if I can move on, forgive if not forget, but I cannot. I can't fall back in love with him and have told him it's over. But I'm so so sad. I want my old life back, where I trusted and loved him and was so happy, but I can't because I cannot love him after what he's done. And yes, I know happy people in happy marriages aren't unfaithful but ours wasn't that bad, he was just bored, and I think thought I'd never ever find out. He's not behaved brilliantly since I did find out and hasn't really shown deep remorse because I think part of him feels he was entitled to do what he did. I don't want to be not married to him, but I cannot be married to him? I'm worried I've made the wrong decision but I know I have no choice because of how I feel. I didn't think I could be any sadder than when I found out what he'd done, but turns out I can! We have 3 kids, 16-8. I can't tell them until after Christmas, I just can't. i don't even know why I'm posting this; just writing it does help. I am going to Relate, and I have lovely friends who already know so o have support but I feel I must be so bloody miserable and boring I don't want to keep bringing them down.
thanks for 'listening'!
x

@Ivyholly I hear every word you're saying because I'm in the same boat. His infidelity 2 years ago just eats at me and I thought I could forget and forgive him but like yours he's shown no remorse also. Has not shown us that he's sorry and really wants to save this marriage. I know I don't want to be married to him but at the same time I do and I wonder if it's that I'm afraid of going alone. My girls are 13 and 10 and the eldest knows that we have separated but as we have not decided where we go from here I've not said anything more.
I'm exhausted and almost feel I have no more fight in me but I know we can't go back to how it was and I now resent him so much I can bear to be in the same room with him, can't look at him, can't bear to talk to him....I'm so confused. The pain is unbearable at times.
@Ivyholly I hope you find some strength to pull through this. I know you're not the only one feeling like this and I'm also going to Relate and hoping I can at least help myself get through this. Sending positive vibes! xxx

Thank you WW. I'm sorry you are feeling so awful. I relate to not wanting to be in the same room as him-even when he's being nice that just makes me crosser that he's betrayed me and our relationship and family. I have no idea how I'm going to manage practically although I have been to a solicitor and I know that I will. I cannot bear the thought of the kids losing their home, but cannot afford to stay here on my own or buy him out. We have to sell and buy two new places and that terrifies me. So many things scare me and I'm not a person who scares easily. All I want to do is hide away but I can't as I have the kids, a poorly Mum and a full time job. I can't take time off work but wish I could. It is so exhausting, as you say. Two years is a long time for you to be living like this. Have you seen relate together or just you? Dh suggested together eventually but I feel there's no point as we're in such different places.

Take care
X

@Ivyholly Thanks! I don't think DH is accepting the marriage is over so it's more difficult then it needs to be. It's only me going to Relate but I have asked them to invite him for his first meeting. I'm trying to get to the end of the year and in the New Year really think about next steps. I'm too in the same predicament, can't afford to buy him out and house will just be too expensive for me to keep.
I'm scared too so you're not alone. When you've been with someone for over 20years, married for 16 of them it's not easy to go it alone....but I know I have to do this, it's the right thing to do.
Stay strong! We both have to stay strong xxx