Leaving family home with kids but without STBXH’s consent

[godiva1999]

Initiated split three months ago. Husband refused to move out of family home so I am moving into a rental property with our two DCs (6 & 11) Moving out in two weeks.

I have spoken to a solicitor and we’ve gone through a checklist, most of which STBXH agreed to. However solicitor has said the most important thing is that I have his written consent to taking kids out of the family home, otherwise he could get a court order to get them back at a later date.

He’s since been made aware of this and the one thing he won’t do is give me consent. He says ‘he’s still thinking about it’ Fucking infuriating. The split hasn’t been particularly amicable but it’s been pretty unemotional. He just wants to get some control back and make me suffer.

We are moving to a property very close by and have agreed a rota for the kids, split about 60/40.

I do not want to beg him to give me consent. This is all about power to him. I’m really tempted to call his bluff and just go. He doesn’t have the funds or the energy or time to get a court order on me and I’m sure he wouldn’t do anything dramatic like try and hold them hostage in the house on move day.

Any advice? I don’t know what to do ..

Have you mentioned this to your solicitor? It may be that s/he will be able to advise on what to do in this instance. I have no experience in this but I'm not sure it would stop me from leaving ..... Just keep track of everything in case it is needed for any future court/legal proceedings.

Thanks HighFive, I know I should talk to my solicitor but if I do I’m sure she’d tell me (again!) that I really do have to get his consent. Easier said than done ..

Surely if you have agreed a rota then that is him consenting?

Written consent for you to move out? That doesn't sound right. Are you sure that;s what the solicitor meant?

I moved out with my kids without him knowing. There has been some emotional abuse. At no point was I advised to get his consent. I appreciate if there's abuse, it might be different. But it seems way off for you to be 'stuck' in the same house unwillingly. Its not good for the kids and he's now using it as a tool for control.

I have been advised not to move out of the family home without the kids, eg getting a rental property sorted out first as he can then automatically claim the kids stay with him so don't move without them. I'd call his bluff. I think whatever happens, he can always apply for a court order, doens;t mean to say he'll get it.

I also moved out and took my girls without my ex's consent. He didn't see them for two months because I didn't let him (long story but it was all due to emotional abuse and involving our 5 year old to the point where she started to hate me). It prompted him going to court for a Child Arrangement Order which was what I wanted anyway and it was easier to let him be the Applicant and for me to be the Respondent.

If you have parental responsibility you can take them. You don't need his consent. But be aware that if he is able to, he could do the exact same thing to you the moment he sees the kids again.