Hello everyone,
First time posting, however a long time lurker!
I'm going through a really awful time at the moment, and I just don't know what to do or what has happened to my life.
My husband of 15 months (together 8 years), decided last Saturday that he doesn't love me anymore and has left. We have a 3 year old son together. Apparently, H has been feeling this way for quite some time...nice of him to let me know!
I don't know how this has happened, or where it has come from. Up until last Saturday everything seemed fine, no reason for me to think there was anything 'up'.
To give a bit of background, my H works away quite a lot during the week and I work all weekend, this was something we decided to do after our son was born to eliminate childcare costs. Our son is due to start a pre-school in January two days per week, so i have arranged to work those two days and only one day per weekend, so we could finally have some time together as a family.
H appears to have detached himself from us so much, so that he really doesn't care. He knows he can see our son whenever he wants too, I have told him this. We agreed that H would have our son overnight at his mothers (where he is at the moment) Saturday - Sunday, whilst I work.
Right now, I feel that his work is taking priority over us. Last weekend, H picked our son up on Saturday morning at 7am and then brought him back on Sunday evening when i arrived home from work. The strangest thing is, he acted completely normally. I am obviously very hurt and angry with him at the moment. When he arrived he greeted me as he normally would 'Hiya, you okay?' and i just said 'Fine thanks'. He then asked me what was up! Whats up?! You've fucking left me, that's whats up!!!
I am so angry with him at the moment, he has just got up and left his family. He's not even tried to make this marriage work. He's almost acting as though I am being unreasonable for being upset! He's turned into this cold, heartless person that I don't even know.
I have noticed that he has changed since starting his new job, he loves it but it involves very early mornings. I understand that when he does eventually come home he is tired, but he would be asleep on the sofa pretty much all the time. He would lie there stinking of god knows what, with his smelly feet, and just not care that he smelt bad! I would have to nag him to at least have a shower, because the lounge would stink of his feet! This isn't the man i know, he's always taken pride in his appearance, possibly due to being ex-military.He couldn't be bothered to do anything, all he talked about was work. However, as his wife I supported him, made sure he had lovely food on the table and barely had to lift a finger.
He has pretty much erased me from his life over the last two weeks. Its as if the last 8 years together haven't happened. And I am hurt that he can just forget about me and not care how hurt I am.
On Friday night, he text to say he would pick our son up at 7am. At 6:55 he called to say he wasn't going to be back from work and that his mum would be picking our son up. I was livid with him, his son was at the window waiting for him to pull up. I actually lost it and all the hurt and anger came flooding out. He's been a pretty shit dad over the last two weeks, and i told him so. His work is obviously more important than his family. I put the phone down on him, i was just so angry that he had let our son down. I'm then the one who has tell our son that his Dad isn't coming to collect him after all.
I obviously called his mum to explain (his parents are both livid with him at the moment, he wont talk to them about anything and has been slacking on dad duties because his mum does everything for him whilst our son is there) and arranged that I would drop him off on my way to work, to save her coming out. His parents have been incredibly kind to me, they both apologised for his behaviour and told me that they don't know what is wrong with him.
By the time i got to work i had 23 missed calls from him, and i haven't spoken to him since yesterday. I called to speak to my son last night, but didn't speak to H. I'm feeling so nervous right now, because when i leave work at 5:00pm i know i'm going to have to see him when he drops our son off. All he seems to want to do is upset me, and i am really not in a good place right now.
I'm just feeling so lost at the moment, why has this happened to me? How can he just leave his family without a backwards glance? How can he not care? I'm so angry with him that my insides actually hurt. There's no point in talking to him, he doesn't listen. The only word I have heard come out of his mouth over the last two weeks is 'I'.
I have started to accept that he doesn't love me anymore, and although that hurts right now it will get better but how can he rather be at work than with his son? I'm sick of dealing with him, sick of trying to rationalise it in my own head, sick of wondering if it is all my fault. I'm sick of him. He's selfish.
I'm really sorry if this post is a bit disjointed and doesn't make much sense, i just felt like i needed to get this out and vent. As far as i was concerned, everything was fine. If he had some issues with the relationship he should have spoken to me, we could have fixed it, instead he's let it fester and now we're here.
I just cant believe that this is my life, and my sons life. I never wanted this life for him.