The "in between bit"

[iamthrough]

Hi There, I've been lurking on here for a while but not posted before. Had had issues with my husband for a while now. (married 15 years) After trying to make it work for a while it's got to the point where I want to end it. I can project myself into the distant future and see myself happy in a house with our children (DD 8, DS 6) However I'm really struggling with this "in between phase" We have a house to sell - finances to sort out etc etc etc it seems the list is endless. neither of use can afford to rent anywhere until the house is sold and being under the same roof is proving impossible. Can some of you ladies who have been through this offer any words of support or advice as to how I get to the end of this rather bumpy road??

Mine is the same he literally says im mental and because he doesn't want this he says it's not happening nor us he moving out it's awful I'm sleeping in my child's single bed for months x

No no no don't let her please dont move you will loose the house just turn to nice people on here x

Mine is in 'have cake and eat it' mode too.

I am heartbroken at his repeated infidelity and gutted our marriage has failed, but he seems to think we can remains 'friends', he can come and go as he pleases while seeing OW when it suits him.

I too am going to be with family over Christmas, he can have the kids at New Year and I am appointing a lawyer early doors in the new year.

imo friendship is something they have to earn. at the minute things are civil chez me just over 2 years in. Civil is a reasonable state of affairs and allows for a reconfiguration of the relationship dynamics, whilst keeping lines of communication open.
Am sure ex thinks i am a bitch because i make the distinction between amicable and civil however i see it as essential in mine and the childrens recovery. He thinks amicable means i put up and shut up. No bloody way.

First 5 months shared a roof then a year of kids remaining in home with ex and i rotating on fixed days of the week.

That nearly killed me. Sometimes you might just have to bite the bullet and take the hit.

My issue is with the term amicable. Its a bit of a misnomer and suggests that the process will be easier than it often is. Whilst there are undoubtedly some cases where its straight forward, they are few and far between.

rambly post there... .sorry!!

I think I’m on the brink of this but we’re both in denial 😢
I should be better at it. I have happy memories of my single Mum days when my DCs were smaller. I just hate the thought of hurting them again.

wonderwoman mine is a bit like that. Doesn't think it's that bad. Well it's not for him, I do all the childcare, cooking, shopping, cleaning etc. He's taken the boys to his mum's today. Second time. Ever.

I think he thinks I'll get over it. He's "worried" about me.

@Nottalotta that’s exactly it 🤦🏻‍♀️....if I could walk away I would yesterday but my girls need me because he’s too self absorbed in his own life to give 2 hoots about anything. I wish I could just make him go....he’s away for a week from this weekend and I can’t wait. He really thinks that in 6mths I would have had my tantrum and it’ll all be ok. When I talk to him because I have to for kids sake he tries to have banter with me it’s so awfully cringe worthy so I just awkwardly ignore (actually I try not to talk and just WhatsApp). I’m not sure he’ll do the right thing by us so sure feels like it going to be a battle ahead. I’ll be broke before this ends as I keep booking holidays just to get away 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm not getting the banter. There are OK moments, mostly around the children but then how could there not be? They're 2 and 9months. He said the last few weeks had been "great" because of some nice family moments (and I mean minutes at a time, not days out) the last few weeks I have barely spoken to him so cannot understand where "great" comes from.

He's come home with rental details......

Rental details that's good

Hi Everyone - so glad I started this thread as going through this is so hard. Thanks @blossom5 I will check out that books suggestion. @Wonderwomen23 that sounds like a very brave thing to do - how have you agreed that with your ex??

@iamthrough I didn’t - I just went ahead and then told him. He really doesn’t seem that bothered and probably relieved that I’ve gone and decided for us, as usual. He really hasn’t spent any time with the girls since I initiated the separation. I think he likes the image of a family for others to see but then leads this completely selfish life. He’s very much clinging onto me because he thinks he’ll lose the girls if he doesn’t. He saying to everyone “the girls will naturally follow their mum” without making any effort to be part of their lives anyway.

I think I’m staying in this in between stages for a while - at least until next year. Although I’ve made appointments for some counselling and a mediation meeting. The last 6mths has definitely tested me and I’m so exhausted.

@iamthrough - thank you for starting this thread 😙

My STXH is away all of November. It's bliss. The atmosphere is so calm at home, DC are so much calmer. I don't really think it's the absence of STXH, I think it's the absence of the dynamic between us. I suspect it's similar when I'm not around.

I do dread his return. We had agreed to do Christmas together (not just this one, but all coming) and then both of us look for new rentals in the New Year. I am trying to gather strength to survive December!

Anyone else dreading Christmas?

Yes dreading it !!!!!!

Apparently he's moving out start December , we will sell the house and split 50/50. He wants official agreements re child support and contact. He's a fucking arsehole of the highest order. I've told him it's down to US how the children are affected. Really bloody badly if he carries on. (Point blank refusal of my suggestion that at least in the short term he can see them here whenecer he wants)

I’m an inbetweener, too! No children so different to most of the situations others have shared. My decision to split. He has no job,. He can’t buy me out amd while I am fortunate and have a reasonably well paid job, I can’t afford to buy him out either. Plan is to sell the house and split the equity 50 / 50. I’d have liked to have sold up and gone by Christmas or at the very least, had the house on the market. No such luck. Being in this limbo state when everything has changed and yet nothing has changed is tough.

I'm so glad we rent! Owning a house seems to complicate matters. I hope you all resolve your in-between situations, it seems mainly to be a housing problem for most?

Oh God CHRISTMAS !!!! (sob) If only this was a different time of the year. I'm not sleeping hardly at all at the moment.... but when I do I'm having nightmares about Christmas. Stealing myself for all the festivities and getting through it. Its going to take lots of wine..... and brandy.... lots and lots of brandy!!!