I'll try to be brief......
Married 10 years, separated January 2015.
I have autism, diagnosed 2014, and lifelong mental health problems. I was too ill to work for 18 months after separation but now have a limited capacity for work (16 hpw) and receive PIP. I earn £6k a year and get benefits. I have no pension (I never earned enough to make contributions) and £1k in savings for emergencies.
STBXDH earns £70k a year, or at least that is what he was on when we split 2 and a half years ago. Exmil was terminally ill when we separated and exdh knew he would inherit a large sum once she passed away. She sadly died this January.
House bought jointly in 2007. I provided a small deposit and exdh did not, but as I worked PT from 2008-2013 due to having dc, and being a sahm from 2013-2016 after a breakdown, exdh has paid more into the mortgage.
Exdh suggested I keep the house due to my limited capacity for work and low earning potential, and didn't require me to buy him out. In return I offered to not claim on his pension during the divorce, or take any spousal maintenance. Since the separation the only money I've received from him is CM and I pay all bills and mortgage from my earnings and benefits.
The problem is that I can't get a mortgage on my own. We have a good relationship so until now ex was happy to keep his name on the deeds/mortgage while I make all the payments, until I could afford it alone. I'd have to pay off £50k before I could get a mortgage alone. Exdh is buying a house with his new dp with his inheritance money, but because of the second home stamp duty he needs his name off the deeds of the marital home within the next year or so. I suggested he acts as a guarantor for a mortgage in my name, to prevent the extra cost but he naturally has reservations. We are finally getting round to the divorce.
Nothing we agreed back when we split was written down or went through a solicitor, as we were on good terms and didn't forsee the law changing for stamp duty on second homes. I had another breakdown at the time and didn't have the mental capacity to think of finances and making myself secure. Naively I trusted him and took him at his word.
I'm very concerned I'm going to lose my home and I'm scared. I'm also very envious of Stbxdh and his financial security. He was happy to agree to me not claiming spousal maintenance or a portion of his pension, but now he's changing his side of the bargain. I know IBU about it as he just wants a new life with his partner, but I hate the lack of options I have.
His career has flourished year upon year since having our dc, and mine has become non-existent as the mental and emotional strain of being an autistic parent has destroyed my mental health. I'm only just picking up the pieces now. Had I known I was autistic before having dc I would have definitely handled it differently and tried to negotiate a more equal work/parenting balance between us. That's by the by though......
I can't afford a solicitor and my circumstances are too complicated to be covered in a free 30 mins consultation. What is the likely divorce set up when one partner earns 10 times more than the other, who is also disabled?
Are there any low earning parents who have divorced high earning partners? I'd love to hear from you.